


Live-In Nanny Wanted!

by CurrentlyLost



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: Full of fluff, M/M, frank has weird fantasies about gerard, gerard is a nanny, lighthearted with some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:38:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8033467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurrentlyLost/pseuds/CurrentlyLost
Summary: Frank needs a nanny to help take care of his kids, Cherry and Lily, while his band Pencey Prep is just starting to take off. He interviews Gerard. (We all know he's gonna get the job.)





	1. I'm Pretty Sure You're Hired!

I sighed as I looked over the description I’d typed in the nanny website before submitting it. I looked behind me over at my two sleeping little girls and smiled softly. Seeing their arms wrapped around each other even as infants was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. I wanted to get a closer look, so I stood and walked over to them, watching them closely.  
  
“I made you two. I helped make you two very beautiful girls. You’re both mine, and I love you both so much,” I whispered as I caressed both of their little cheeks lightly so as not to wake them up. Cherry yawned softly and stretched, accidentally hitting Lily in the face. I froze, hoping that it wouldn’t wake her up. Just as my luck would have it, Lily woke up and started crying causing Cherry to cry as well. I started panicking as I picked them both up, and tried to soothe them both.  
  
“I can’t do this on my own! Goddamn it, Jamia!” I cursed under my breath as the crying grew louder. Just then, my computer dinged and I checked to see if it were from the nanny site. Yes! I set my kids back down in their crib and dialed the number. It rang a few times before a hesitant voice spoke.  
  
“Hello?” His voice was quite nice, I’ll admit.  
  
“This is Frank Iero. You just requested an interview. If you can get here in, like, 10 minutes and calm my children down, that’ll be part of the interview. Deal?” I said, feeling a headache coming on with their cries growing louder as time passed.  
  
“Deal,” he spoke without hesitation. I gave him my address and we hung up. I put my phone down and rushed back to my girls trying to see what it was. Were they hungry? Did they need to be changed? Oh, God, how do you change a diaper? _Where_ did Jamia leave the diapers?  
  
“I’m not cut out to be a father…” I mumbled to myself as I put my head in my hands. It was then that I heard a knock at my door. I rushed to open it and there stood a man, obviously taller than me, dressed in all black with black eyeliner rimming his eyes.  
  
“I’m Gerard. Where are your kids?” I was too stunned by how pretty he looked that I couldn’t speak so I just pulled him inside and brought him over to the crib. He wasted no time in hoisting them up in his arms. He hummed softly, walking around with a bounce in his step. They’re crying died down eventually and just became little hiccups. That was when he softly began to sing,  
  
“ _Somewhere over the rainbow,_  
 _Way up high,_  
 _There’s a land that I heard of once in lullaby._  
 _Somewhere over the rainbow,_  
 _Skies are blue._  
 _And the dreams that you dared to dream really do come true._  
 _Someday, I’ll wish upon a star,_  
 _And wake up where the clouds are far behind me._  
 _Where troubles melt like lemons drops,_  
 _Way above the chimney top,_  
 _That’s where you’ll find me…”_  
  
I stared in awe at the amazing voice this kid had. Soon, my girls were fast asleep and he set them down carefully before turning to me and smiling.  
  
“Hey, I’m Gerard. You’re Frank, right? It’s nice to meet you,” he said lowly as to not wake the twins. He held his hand out for me to shake and I slowly took it. Shivering at how _warm_ and strong it felt. What’s wrong with me? This kid was only 18. Legal, yeah, but too young.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you as well. Thank you for calming my girls down. You seem really great with kids,” I answered. Gerard’s face seemed to light up as I said this and he nodded eagerly causing me to chuckle softly.  
  
“Well, let’s finish the rest of your interview, then,” I said. He smiled and nodded once more. I led him into the kitchen and told him to take a seat at the table as I took the seat across from him.  
  
“Okay, tell me about yourself.” I noticed the way Gerard shifted uncomfortably, but waited for him to continue.  
  
“Well, I’m 18, and I recently graduated as Valedictorian. I love kids and I _love_ to sing. I would have liked to pursue a career as a singer, but then I wouldn’t have time to take care of anyone’s kids. I know that sounds a little odd, but kids are so fragile and tiny and innocent that they can’t just be left in the presence of anyone.” He spoke so passionately about kids that I wanted to pinch his cheeks.  
  
"I love children despite how I look. You know, all the black clothes and the eyeliner? Don't let that fool you. People call me a big softie," he explained to me.

  
"Yeah, the black is really distracting. You know, I don't know if I really want my kids around that," I said. He gave me an 'are-you-serious-look'.

"Mr. Iero, sorry, but you're wearing all black as well, so..." he trailed off. I looked down at myself and quickly put my hand to my forehead, my face heating up in embarrassment. That was when I heard the sweetest thing I'd heard next to the sound Cherry and Lily cooing; his laugh.  
  
“Aren’t you going to be going on tour soon, too..?” He trailed off. I wanted to facetable at that point. We both laughed this time around.  
  
“Yeah, you have a good point. Nevermind. So when can you move in?” I asked. He tapped his chin, thinking to himself.  
  
“Give me a week. I need to get everything settled with my parents. They’re over protective. Mind meeting them?” I shook my head.  
  
“Nah, I don’t mind. Anything for my girls and you seem like a very good influence,” I said. He smiled and looked back towards the living room where they were currently sleeping. We both stood and then he turned to me.  
  
“How long will I be able to take care of them?”  
  
“I’ll be on tour for about a month and a half, so… until then? I’m still working everything out right now,” I laughed, causing him to chuckle.  
  
“I’ll stay as long as I’m needed and also welcome,” he giggled. “So, you have my number. Call me whenever is convenient for you to meet my mom and dad and I’ll be ready anytime. I look forward to helping you with your kids,” he said as he stuck his hand out. I shook it and smiled. He was so professional. I’m glad he could teach Cherry and Lily something good, like manners and even educational things since he was Valedictorian. I walked him out the door after he said a silent ‘see-you-soon’ to my girls.  
  
“You’ll be hearing from me soon,” I told him as he walked to his car. He smiled and nodded his head.  
  
“I’ll be looking forward to it, Mr. Iero.” I was going to correct him by saying he should use my first name, but I couldn’t deny the way that title sounded coming from him. I used to feel guilty thinking about a man this way because of my marriage to Jamia. She and I were married for a good five years, marrying when we were both eighteen, but I started noticing that I wasn’t attracted to her anymore about a year ago. I began noticing men a lot more, and, eventually, admitted to myself that I would prefer a man. I was going to tell her, but then she informed me of the twins and I just couldn’t. It wasn’t until she was almost due that I couldn’t hide it anymore. I sat her down one morning and told her everything; she was understanding. She grabbed my hands and held them in her own, stating that she had a feeling, but was waiting until I was comfortable enough with her and even myself to tell her. She and I are still friends, but I have my girls because we agreed that being raised here in a small town was good. Jamia works in the UK, so she relocated herself there.

Speaking of which, I should probably let her know that Gerard will be moving in. Knowing her, she’d want to so some type of meeting with him. Probably over Skype to _see_ how he is. I’d only had a brief conversation with him, but he seemed like a really good person for the twins. Though, I should probably let Gerard know that he has to “meet” her. I’ll call him tomorrow. Hopefully he won’t mind coming back. Lord knows I wouldn’t mind having him. I sighed at my own thoughts as I sat next to the girls’ crib and opened up a good read. _Who would even believe I’m in a rock band?_ I chuckled to myself.


	2. Meeting Jamia

During the night, I was woken up three times by my restless girls. I was exhausted, needless to say, as I sat down with both of them propped up on my lap. As their eyes seemed to get heavier, I laid them down next to one another on the sofa and slowly got up as to not wake them. I quickly dialed Jamia’s number.  
  
“Hey, Frank,” she answered.  
  
“Hey, so I ended up finding a nanny,” I told her.  
  
“That fast? You only put it up yesterday.”  
  
“This guy seems like a really big influence,” I said.  
  
“Guy? Does this guy happen to be hot?” She asked.  
  
“Well, he’s certainly not ugly, if that’s what you mean,” I coughed, looking around my kitchen.  
  
“You wanna have sex with this guy, don’t you?” She sighed. I laughed.  
  
“Come on, Jamia, this guy really was the perfect pick. He graduated as Valedictorian and he’s seriously polite and caring. Yesterday, when I couldn’t find a way to calm the girls down, he came right over and rocked them to sleep. He’s obviously good with kids. Why don’t you meet him first?” I asked. She was silent for a while.  
  
“Fine. Log onto Skype and call him over. I need to see who will be taking care of my babies,” she said. Even though it were almost a new day over in the UK, I knew she couldn’t wait any longer to see Gerard. Honestly, neither could I.  
  
“Okay. I’ll log on when he gets here. Just be online,” I told her. She hummed in agreement and then hung up. Taking a deep breath, I dialed Gerard’s number. It rang a few times before he picked up.  
  
“Hello?” He answered. I bit my lip at the way his voice sounded over the phone.  
  
“Hey. It’s Frank. Mind stopping by for a bit to meet my ex-wife?” I asked.  
  
“Sure. I don’t mind at all. What time?” He asked. His voice sounded so cheerful. I then noticed the sound of the Doors playing in the background.  
  
“As soon as possible. And is that the sound of Morrison I hear?” I asked. I was impressed. Polite, intelligent, singer, _and_ has a good taste in music? Where has this kid been all my life?  
  
“You bet. His lyrics are amazing. I wish him and Kurt Cobain could’ve collaborated. Can you imagine that?” He asked.  
  
“I’ve never thought of those two performing together, but I can see that working out beautifully,” I said. This kid knew his stuff.  
  
“I’m on my way right now, okay?”  
  
“Do you live far?” I asked, remembering how quickly got here yesterday.  
  
“No. We live a few blocks away from each other. I would walk, but it’s a little too cold for me out right now,” he explained. I heard him start his car.  
  
“Well, I better let you go. Being on the phone is dangerous while driving,” I said. He gave a little laugh.  
  
“Are you sure the band you’re in is a _rock_ band, Mr. Iero?” He laughed. I chuckled in response.  
  
“I can still be punk rock and, like, about safety. Don’t crush my dreams,” I said. He laughed louder, causing me to smile big.  
  
“I’ll see you when I get there. Are the girls asleep?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Okay. I’ll be there in, like, two minutes,” he said.  
  
“I’ll be waiting.” As soon as we hung up, I rushed over and, one after the other, put the girls in their cribs in my room. I ran down the stairs and cleaned up as much as I could after I realized the place looked like shit. When I was repositioning a pillow on the couch, I heard a very light knock on the door. I smiled at how considerate he was of Cherry and Lily as I walked over and opened the door.  
  
“Hey, Mr. Iero,” he greeted with a small wave. I wanted to hold this man, but refrained from doing so and, instead, waved and stepped aside to let him in.  
  
“So where is your, um, ex-wife?” He asked as he looked around, noticing the empty home. I led him to sit on the couch and opened up my laptop.  
  
“Jamia lives in the UK. She relocated herself there for her job after requesting a divorce,” I explained. He nodded in understanding as I opened up Skype and video called her. Almost instantly, she answered. I swear to God if she does anything to embarrass me, I will virtually kick her in the ass.  
  
“Hey, Jamia. This is Gerard,” I said as I gestured to him, “Gerard, this is Jamia.” He smiled and waved at her.  
  
“Nice to you meet you, Ma’am. I’d shake your hand, but I’m afraid the distance is a bit of a problem,” he chuckled. I smiled at his goofiness and so did Jamia.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you as well, Gerard. Frank here tells me you’re the perfect pick for taking care of our girls. You’ve convinced him, so now it’s me that needs convincing. So far, all that black isn’t helping your cause,” she said sternly. I gave him an apologetic look as he glanced nervously at me. He then chuckled in the same manner, and sat up a bit straighter.  
  
“I had this same conversation with Frank yesterday afternoon. He’s in a rock band and going on tour, and you’re in the UK, right?” He said. Well, the kid had guts to be sassy to Jamia.  
  
“Excuse me?” She said, completely baffled. He turned to me with a serious look.  
  
“Is the mic working properly on your laptop, Mr. Iero, because I’m sure I said that perfectly clear?” He asked. If not for the serious look, I would be completely sure that he was purposely being a little shit. He was like Jamia in a way and it made me smile a bit.  
  
“It’s good, Gerard,” I laughed. He smiled and nodded as he turned back to the screen. The look on her face was a look of, well, she looked impressed.  
  
“Wow. Sassy, aren’t you?” She asked as she gave a little smirk. Gerard shrugged his shoulders and smirked back.  
  
“People shouldn’t judge other people based on appearances. It’s, like, the silver rule,” he said. Jamia then turned to look at me.  
  
“Frank, I like this kid. You chose correctly! Now, Gerard, I was told you graduated highest of your class?” She asked. Gerard nodded.  
  
“Yes, ma’am. My best subjects were English and history. I struggled a bit with math, but after a whole lot of tutoring, I managed to understand. I had very good teachers.” Jamia nodded in approval.  
  
“So I trust you can teach our kids some things you learned while Frank is out?” She asked.  
  
“I was planning on it,” he responded with a smile.  
  
“Great!” She says. She turns to me, yawning. “I’m gonna get some more sleep. You did good, even if you did it because he’s super attract-“ My eyes widened and I slammed my laptop shut. Gerard gave me a questioning look.  
  
“Won’t she be mad at you for that?” He asked, completely unaware of what she was in the process of saying. I forced a laugh and shook my head.  
  
“Nah, she’ll just send me a text telling me that I’m an asshat or some shit.” Just then, my phone vibrated in my back pocket, indicating a text. This caused Gerard to laugh.  
  
“You two seem close. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you two separate?” He asked. He had a look of guilt on his face, as if he knew he shouldn’t have asked that, but his curiosity got the best of him.  
  
“She’s my best friend still, you know. Very understanding. She completely understood when I told her that I was attracted to men,” I explained, waiting for his reaction. He didn’t look surprised. Which, actually, wasn’t very surprising. People were becoming more accepting of gay men and women.  
  
“I’m glad she understood. When I told my parents I was into both, they became super overprotective. Even more so when I came home with a beat up face,” he laughed.  
  
“What happened?” I asked. I leaned back into the sofa.  
  
“Some of the other kids caught me and another boy making out by the bleachers, and, well, they weren’t very open minded,” he sighed. “Oh, well, those days are behind me, you know? I’m free from that place.” I nodded in agreement. I understood that feeling all too well. I used to be shoved into lockers and pushed around until the day I graduated. I wasn’t even sure why I never fought back, but I suppose it was because I didn’t know how to fight. Attempting to fight back would only cause me more problems, so I just let it happen.  
  
“Well, at least you’re out of there. Other than babysitting, what are your plans for the future?” I asked. His eyes seemed to brighten up.  
  
“Comics! I wanted to sit at my desk all day with great music playing, coffee in my hand and pen in the other, just drawing all day,” he said with a dreamy sigh. I felt my cheeks heat up. The way he spoke about his passion made him seem ten times more attractive.  
  
“So, I suppose your dream is coming true with the tour and all?” He asked. I smiled.  
  
“I’ve always wanted to be in a band. Forever, that’s all I’ve wanted. But, now, thinking about it, I think I just want to make my mark on the world. One day, I’ll just be a memory to some people, but right now is all that matters, you know?” I said as I smiled at him.  
  
“I’m sure you’ll leave a mark, Mr. Iero. If it’s all right, I’d like to hear some of your work?” He asked. Instantly, I got up and pulled out a CD and put it in my DVD player. Call me old or whatever the fuck, but I found it fun listening to music that way. As the first song started, he was watching the ground very intently, as if focused on everything that was happening in the song. All the instruments, the voice, the lyrics, and the vibe the whole band was giving off about a heartache. I watched as his head started bobbing with along to the beat, and smiled to myself.  
  
“Dude, this is some good stuff,” he exclaimed as we made it past another song. I smiled proudly. All of our hard work had paid off, and we were about to spread our wings and fly. Insert other motivational shit you’d like to hear about how long we’ve waited for this here.  
  
So I found myself talking music, art, the world, the system, and the future of my band and his comics with Gerard for a few more hours before we both reacted to the sound of Cherry and Lily crying from my room. We both headed upstairs and each picked up a baby.  
  
“It’s okay, little Cherry, we’ll get you and your sister some food, all right?” He asked the crying baby as he bounced on the balls of his feet, quickly calming her down. I did the same as him, and, soon, Lily was also calm.  
  
“Hey, you can tell them apart,” I realized. He gave a soft laugh as we headed downstairs and into the kitchen.  
  
“Of course,” he responded.  
  
“But, like, how?” I asked as I walked over to the cabinets and pulled out some baby food, and a couple of little spoons. I sat down next to Gerard, who was sitting down at the kitchen table with Cherry in his lap. I refrained from ‘aww’ing and handed him a jar of the baby food and waited for him to answer.  
  
“I’m not really sure. I just kind of knew who was who,” he shrugged. I watched as he became completely focused on feeding Cherry. I snapped to and also opened the jar and began feeding Lily. We sat in silence for a while after feeding the two and played with them on the living room floor for a while until Gerard got a call.  
  
“Oh. It’s my parents. Hello?” He said as he answered.  
  
“I’m at Mr. Iero’s house. His ex-wife wanted to meet me. Yes. Oh. Now? Like right now, right now?” He sighed. “All right. I’ll ask him.” He turned to me and gave me an apologetic smile.  
  
“My parents want to meet you and the girls today for dinner. Is there any way that can happen?” He asked. I felt my stomach twist into a knot. Why was I so fucking nervous? I’m just meeting the boy’s parents, jeez. I smiled at him and nodded my head.  
  
“Yeah. I just need to get them bundled up nice and warm and I’ll be on my way,” I said. He smiled and repeated my words to his parents. He helped me take the girls back to my room before turning to me.  
  
“My parents want me to get home and help prepare the dinner they’re so eager for you to have,” he laughed. I nodded my head.  
  
“I’ll see you in ten?” I said as I walked in to the door.  
  
“Yeah. Drive safe,” he said as he walked over to his car.  
  
“Same goes for you,” I said before giving him a wave and closing the door.  
  
“Well, shit, I’m meeting his parents! What do I wear?!” I exclaimed to myself as I sprinted up the steps.


	3. Meeting His Mom

As I drove my nervous ass to the Way residence, after following Gerard’s text message full of instructions, I felt completely disturbed with how I was feeling. Jeez, I’m not dating the kid, so why am I so concerned with what the fuck his parents think about me? As I turned on 7th street, the one his message told me he lived on, I looked for a house that looked like _he_ would live in. Something modest yet extravagant all in one. I drove until I came to the end of the street.  
  
“Shit, did I pass it?” I murmured to myself. I winced.  
  
“I mean, shoot, did I miss it? Girls, you see Gerard anywhere?” I asked them, peering at them through the mirror. Both of them stared at me with wonder, probably asking themselves what the fuck I was asking them. Well, I was going to talk to them like adults, because I hear that’s how they learn better or some shit like that. I pull out my phone, ready to call Gerard, when I look at the house to my left and see him staring at me from his seat on the front porch with a little smile on his face. I look back and see the street completely empty from cars and people and reverse the car. I can’t blame anyone for staying indoors, it’s gotten really cold. I pull into the driveway and turn the car off. Stepping out, I wave at Gerard who is currently walking towards me.  
  
“Hey, Mr. Iero. Long time no see,” his giggled. I nearly groaned with how cute that way. He’s going to kill me. Yep, that’s how my death is going to happen. A fucking eighteen year old guy’s giggle.  
  
“Hey. So, did I do good with the girls? I think they look super cute,” I said, opening the backdoor and smiling over at them. He rushed over and almost gushed at them. Cherry has on a red outfit with pink flowers decorating the fabric, and Lily had a pink dress with red flowers sprawled across it. Both had little beanies on with my bands logo so they’re indirectly supporting me by being little rockers.  
  
“They look so dang cute! I just wanna hold ‘em!” He squealed. He went over to the other side and picked up Cherry as I got Lily out of her seat.  
  
“Thanks for the help, Gerard. I didn’t know how I was going to let you guys know I was here without kicking the door or something,” I laughed.  
  
“No problem. That’s why I stayed outside. Figured you were going to need help,” he smiled.  
  
“Aw, that’s so sweet of you!” I said as we stepped inside his house. He threw his head back, laughing loudly. I suddenly became confused.  
  
“Uh…” I trailed off.  
  
“You’re talking to me like I’m one of your children, Mr. Iero. I’m an adult, you know,” he said as he playfully punched me in the arm.  
  
“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry about that. And call me Frank,” I said, sighing almost. He was absolutely correct. It was like going to college and _not_ calling the teacher by their first name. We’re both adults.  
  
“Really? Cool. I was wondering when you’d say that. I was sorta getting tired of the whole formality thing.” I smirked. I swear I loved this guy.  
  
“Gerard?” I heard a higher voice sing from the kitchen.  
  
“Yeah, mom. And Frank. And his kids,” he answered, guiding me into said room. Holy shit, he looks just like his mother. I smiled and held my free hand to her.  
  
“Hello! It’s so wonderful to meet you! I’m Donna.”  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m Frank and these two cuties are Lily,” I said gesturing to the twin I was holding, “and Cherry,” I finished, smiling over at Gerard who was still holding onto her like she was his own. It was a beautiful sight. Donna clapped her hands together and lightly tapped Lily’s cheeks.  
  
“They’re so beautiful!” I smiled brighter.  
  
“Thank you. They definitely take after their mother,” I said, kissing my baby’s head and then blowing a kiss to Cherry.  
  
“That’s right. You’re divorced, yes? I’m so sorry to hear about that,” she said, a smile frown appearing on her face. I shook my head.  
  
“No, no. It’s okay. She and I are still best friends, it was just the right thing to do. She’s currently working in the UK,” I explained. She nodded her head enthusiastically, edging me to continue as she pulled a pan out of the oven.  
  
“Oh, really? What does she do, if you don’t mind me asking?”  
  
“She works for this big computer company. She’s very good with files and organization. In a way, if she were secretly an evil madman, she’d be considered a hacker, for lack of a better word,” I explained. It made sense. Sometimes she was evil. Once, a month after she left for the UK and the girls were quietly sleeping upstairs, I decided that a little time with my laptop, gay porn, and some lit candles would be a nice way to relieve my stress when she just fucking popped up onto the screen after I logged onto this porn website. I was taking off my boxers when she just popped up and yelled _boo_ like she was a fucking ghost and then laughed her ass off when I fell out of the camera’s way. Since then, I only use my laptop for music, editing, movies, and recipes for some new food to try.  
  
“That’s certainly interesting,” Donna laughed. “So what do you do?” She asked. I looked over at Gerard, confused.  
  
“Ah, sorry. I forgot to mention.”  
  
“No, biggie. Um, I’m in a rock band, Pencey Prep,” I explained. “I’m, uh, actually leaving for tour in the next month, so,” I said, smiling at her. She set the pan down on the counter and gave the girls a concerning look.  
  
“Oh? Well, that’s, um, certainly… _exciting_ ,” she forced a laugh. I gave Gerard an almost scolding look before he shot me an apologetic look.  
  
“You seriously haven’t told them anything?” I asked.  
  
“Told them what? Wait. Are you dating my son?” She asked, putting her hand up to her chest. My eyes nearly bulged out at her statement. I waved my free hand up in dismissal.  
  
“Oh, no, no, no. Donna, you have it all wrong! I interviewed Gerard to be a babysitter for my kids while I was out. And, well, I suppose house sitter as well. It’s a live-in type of thing. I swear there’s nothing going on between me and your son,” I assured. She turned to Gerard and they shared a look before laughing.  
  
“Oh, Frank, sweetie, you need to lighten up,” she laughed. “Gerard told me and his father all about the job, and we’re so glad it’s our Gerard that you trust so much with your daughters,” she finished, patting me on his shoulder. I smiled, and sighed in relief.  
  
“Well, that’s good.” We idly chatted for a bit before she set the table and offered me a seat. Unfortunately, there were high chairs, so Gerard and I continued holding the girls on our lap and we ate and fed them.  
  
“Tonight, it’ll just be us, I’m afraid. My husband is working late at his office, so he won’t be home until the morning,” Donna explained. I nodded my head in understand, but didn’t miss the look of disappointment in Gerard’s expression. He caught me looking at him, and I gave him a small smile he barely returned. It’s safe to assume he’s looking for his father’s attention. It took me back to my childhood and made me feel almost guilty for having such a good relationship with both my parents, but then I realized that maybe things could be better for Gerard. Maybe the time away at my house could be a wake-up call for his father, but what the fuck do I know? I’ve never even met the guy. For all I know, he’s one of those _true_ work-a-holics that really doesn’t give a rat’s ass.  
  
We ate dinner mostly in silence other than occasional questions, giggles from the girls, or Gerard and his mothering cooing over the girls. It was a very nice dinner.  
  
“Oh, Frank, it was so lovely having you all over for dinner! We definitely need to do this again before you head off!” Donna said excitedly. I nodded.  
  
“Yeah, definitely! Gerard? Did you find a date of when you were going to move in?” I asked him as I looked at him over her shoulder.  
  
“Yeah. I’ll start packing tomorrow, and, if it’s okay with you, I’ll bring my boxes by the next day to get set up,” he offered.  
  
“Sounds great. Sorry, but could you help me get the girls in? It took a lot just getting them in the first time,” I asked. He nodded and followed me outside after saying another goodbye to his mom.  
  
“Your mom is really nice. Sorry that your dad couldn’t be there,” I offered an apology to him. He shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“It’s not important, Frank. Let’s just get these girls inside their seats,” he sighed. I guess that’s a touchy subject for him. I stayed silent afterwards as we put the kids in their car seats. They were fast asleep, so I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any sleep tonight. I guess I’ll have more time to set up the extra room for Gerard. Since we like the same shit, maybe I’ll go to the store and buy some posters to hang in there and decorate it for him. If he doesn’t like it, then he’s free to do whatever. It’s going to be his home too.  
  
“Good night, Gerard.”  
  
“Good night, Frank. My phone is always on. If you need anything,” he said, smiling. I gave a wave as I pulled out of the driveway and drove home. I sighed as I found myself looking forward to living with him.  
  
Now to solve the next problem: getting the girls in the house without leaving the other.  
  
Fucking parenthood.


	4. Moving In

It was the day Gerard was going to start moving his things into the house, and I had just gotten done putting up random cool shit whenever my phone rang in my pocket. I looked down at the caller.  
  
“Hey, Gerard,” I answered.  
  
“Hey, Frank. I’m on my way. The girls awake or do I have to Assassin’s Creed my way into your house?” He asked. Oh, God, yes. Video game references. I gave a laugh in response.  
  
“They’re awake, but they’re currently resting in the crib,” I answered.  
  
“All right. Well, I’m here anyways. Come out,” he said. I quickly made my way downstairs.  
  
“What have I told you about that?” I scolded playfully. I opened the door and saw him pulling into my driveway. I saw him smile.  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Safety and all that,” he laughed before getting out the car and waving as he hung up the phone. I gasped.  
  
“Did you just hang up on me?” I asked, making my way over to him.  
  
“Oh, God, you’re _right here_ ,” he said, popping his trunk open.  
  
“That’s a sacrilegious thing to say, Gerard,” I laughed as I grabbed a box and a couple of extra bags from the back.  
  
“ _Finally_! You’ve actually said something punk!” He exclaimed, following behind me with two boxes stacked on top of one another. I walked inside, chuckling more to myself than him at his words, and made my way upstairs.  
  
“I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and decorated your room with shit I thought you’d like. I could always take it down if you don’t,” I explained as I opened the door to his new room. I let him walk inside first and studied his facial expression.  
  
“Fuck, Frank, this is awesome!” He said as he put the boxes on the floor next to his bed. As a last minute decision, I went to the store and bought a red bedspread for him along with a black comforter. I was actually jealous of the fucker. This was the kind of room I’d always wanted, but my parents always told me that it was too dark for their liking and something about being under their roof, whatever. It also didn’t occur to me until right this second, that I could take my happy ass to the store and buy the same thing for me.  
  
“This is, like, my dream room. Even the posters! How do you know me so well?” He asked, turning to me and smiling. I almost stopped breathing. He was so pretty. Oh, shit, Frank. Answer the dude, you’re just staring!  
  
“Please, Gerard, we like the same things. It would’ve been terrible to give you a completely blank room. Also, um, well, I left that wall right there completely bare, because I thought maybe you’d want to, like, paint your own design or something,” I offered. His eyes seemed to brighten and it made my chest swell with happiness. I put the boxes down on the floor and the bags on his bed.  
  
“You’re amazing, Frank. Thank you so much,” he said. I turned back toward him and found myself very surprised as a pair of arms wrapped around my neck and a body was pressed against mine. I stood there for a moment before finally hugging him back.  
  
“You’re welcome,” I answered, stepping back. “I’ll let you unpack and I’ll get dinner going, okay? If you need help, I’m just down stairs.” He nodded and I turned and left the room, closing the door behind me. I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I’d been holding. _Oh, fuck, that was the best hug I’ve ever had from another man_ , I thought. I made my way downstairs and looked through my fridge.  
  
“Okay, so, what would he like?” I muttered to myself, rummaging through different ingredients. “I wonder if he’d like to eat burgers tonight.” I closed the door to the fridge and walked back upstairs. I passed by my room, seeing the twins cuddling with each other and couldn’t resist myself. I grabbed my phone and snapped a quick picture. They were so cute, especially when they slept, that I could just cry. I sent the picture to Jamia and pocketed my phone once more. I slowly crept out of the room and shut the lights off, leaving to the room next door. I knocked on the door and waited.  
  
“Gerard?” I called out. No answer. _Hm…_ I slowly opened the door and found him sleeping on the bed, still in his clothes. I unfolded the blanket at his feet and put it over him, briefly stroking his hair. Once I realized what I was doing, I pulled my hand away and walked out of the room, turning off the lights and closing the door on the way out.  
  
“Well, burgers it is,” I laughed. I went back to the kitchen to set the girls’ high chairs up against the counter so they could watch before running back up to get them. They cooed and giggled in my arms, and the sound itself caused me to smile big. These two little angels were mine and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thinking back, I never really saw myself having a family, because _band, band, band_ is all I thought about. It never occurred to me that I could meet someone who would want to start a family with me. Sadly, I couldn’t even stay in the relationship, but it was okay because Jamia was still my best friend. And I know she always will be.  
  
“I hope you two never grow up,” I smiled at them as I put them in their chairs one by one. I lightly tapped them on their noses, smiling more once they giggled at me, and then turned around to get the things needed to make me and Gerard’s dinner. As the patties were cooking, I grabbed the girls food and propped myself up on the stool in from of them and fed them slowly. Even though they liked to put their hands in their mouth after taking little mouthfuls of the baby food, I didn’t try to stop them because how could I resist those little toothless smiles and squinted eyes. I took my phone out once more and snapped a couple of pictures before sending them to Jamia. She was probably working or something, but she’d see them later. I got up to flip the burgers before getting out the buns, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, whatever else you would put on your burger.  
  
“Maybe I should go wake up Gerard. What do you think girls? Wanna see Gerard?” I asked them. They looked up at me, making a high pitched giggling sound which I gladly took as a yes. “Yeah, I wanna see him, too,” I mumbled in agreement. I turned to walk out of the kitchen when I came face to face with Gerard, causing me to jump back with my hand to my chest.  
  
“Jesus Christ, Gerard! You scared me!” I said, trying to catch my breath. He smirked at me. “I thought you were still sleeping?” I said, though it sounded more like a question.  
  
“No. I did doze off, but I woke up a bit whenever you put the blanket over me,” he explained. I instantly froze. _Fuck me with my own fist!_ I smiled nervously at him.  
  
“Oh, really? Then why didn’t you get up?” I let out a breathy laugh as I lightly punched him in the chest. I picked up my cup of now-lukewarm coffee and took a huge gulp.  
  
“I find it relaxing whenever people pet my head,” he stated bluntly. I coughed on the liquid in my mouth, barely managing to swallow it down. After it was down, I coughed violently for a few seconds, bringing tears to my eyes before it finally settled down. Shit, what do I say?  
  
“Oh, that’s nice,” I answered. I mentally facepalmed.  
  
“Yeah, you should do that more.” I only nodded and flipped the burgers again.  
  
“Sure. So the patties are done. Make it however you like,” I said with a smile before turning back to the girls and resumed feeding them. Instead of taking my offer, he pulled up a stool next to me and grabbed the jar I was using for Lily and started feeding her himself. I gave him a questioning look.  
  
“What? The girls always come first,” he stated simply. That was too sweet. I could almost kiss the fuck out of him for that.  
  
“Thanks, Gerard,” I mumbled to him. I felt his hand touch the middle of my back. It was a gesture of acknowledgement, but it felt so wonderful. Maybe one day in the future it could become a romantic gesture. I could see myself holding his hand as our other arms were carrying the girls. Maybe they could call him ‘dad,’ too. I shook my head. No, clearly that wasn’t an option. He had dreams to achieve first. I couldn't expect him to stay with me forever.


	5. Ray

Gerard had fully moved in already and I was a wreck. His fucking smile will be the death of me, I swear to God. I seriously needed to consider writing a thank you letter to his parents for making him.  
  
“Hey, Frank?” Gerard chimed into my thoughts. We were watching television together while the girls were napping, but I wasn’t paying attention to the movie playing. I was too busy in my thoughts about the guy sitting next to me, and how tour was going to go.  
  
“Yeah?” I finally acknowledged.  
  
“My brother wants to meet you. Is that all right?” He asked, looking away from my face. Aw, he was troubled.  
  
“Sure. I didn’t know you had a brother though.” He smiled at me and nodded his head excitedly.  
  
“Yeah. He goes to this private fancy school and he’s coming to visit in a couple of days. I’ve been telling him about my living situation, and he wants to meet you.”  
  
“I’m looking forward to meeting him,” I say in response. “What do you feel like eating for dinner?” I ask him. He looks to be in thought for a moment before shrugging his shoulders.  
  
“Hey, can I ask you something?” He asked quietly. I faced my whole body towards him, almost propping my legs on his lap.  
  
“Of course. What’s on your mind?” I asked. He avoided eye-contact with me, obviously distressed. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.  
  
“Anything you tell me will stay safe in a vault in my head. You can trust me, Gerard,” I said, hoping to give him reassurance. He seemed to think for a moment before taking a deep breath.  
  
“I feel a little lost. I want to do comics, but I really would like to sing as well. Like, more than drawing, maybe. I don’t know. What do I do, Frank?” He asked, his eyes showing nothing but pure worry.  
  
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” I said, rubbing his back. “It’s okay to be lost. Why don’t you giving singing a try? If it works out, maybe you can do comics on the side. If not, you can always try something else. There’s _nothing_ wrong with not knowing what to do. As long as you live the way you’d like, then I say you did everything right,” I assured him. He seemed to relax, giving me a small smile.  
  
“Thank you so much, Frank. I really needed to hear something like that.” He moved closer to me and gave me a bone-crushing hug. His hugs are the absolute _best_ , I swear. I could die in his arms and be totally cool with it. Only after my girls are all grown and in college though, so it’ll be a while.  
  
“Your hugs are the greatest. You should be a hugger. Like, you should open up a shop or something, and whenever people are sad or upset, they could go in and give you a hug for like twenty-five cents,” I said. He laughed, throwing his head back.  
  
“Wouldn’t that make me, like, a hugging prostitute?” He giggled. I smiled more.  
  
“Hey, if you’re helping lonely and sad, unsatisfied people and you enjoy it, you go for it! Be the best hugging prostitute you can be,” I laughed. This caused him to laugh more, and my smile to go wider.  
  
“You’re great, Frank. Anyway, is it all right if I go meet a friend in town?” He asked timidly. I found myself surprised by him asking for my permission.  
  
“Gerard, you don’t have to ask me. Just let me know when you’re heading somewhere so I don’t worry,” I assure him. He smiles and nods his head. He picks himself up from the couch and makes his way upstairs, and I also totally didn’t stare at his ass as he did that. I turn away from his figure before he makes it all the way up there so he doesn’t catch me staring. After he leaves, I get to thinking that maybe I should go take the girls for a walk. I go upstairs, seeing that they’re asleep and can’t bring myself to wake them up. I head back downstairs and try to decide what to make for dinner. I search my cabinets and rummage through my fridge and freezer before deciding on chicken and rice and getting a package of chicken out from the freezer.  
  
“Hopefully Gerard likes this,” I spoke to myself as I filled a sink up with hot water and leave the frozen chicken in there. I look at the time and it was only noon; plenty of time for the chicken to defrost and for me to clean up the house a bit.  
  
I started picking up random clothes and little toys Gerard and I would use to entertain the girls with and taking them back to their room to put in their little toy bin. The life of a dad is one filled with nothing but this, and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I guess my only difference was me going on tour with my band. I was thankful to have met someone as amazing as Gerard to take care of my girls while I was away, because there were many times I thought about calling off the tour. I was worried about Cherry and Lily, but now that I know Gerard will be here, I’m more confident that I can go and make a living for me and my babies.  
  
A few hours pass and I’m really just staring at my ceiling and waiting for either the girls to wake up or Gerard to come home or both. Just as I was thinking that I really have no friends I’d like to hang out on a regular basis, my phone starts vibrating repeatedly beside me on the couch. It’s a call from Gerard and I quickly pick up.  
  
“Hello?” I answer.  
  
“Hey, Frank. Um, is it all right if my friend Ray comes over or something? I really think you two would get along,” he asked nervously.  
  
“Sure. I’m about to start making dinner, so he’s more than welcome to stay for it. Do you need me to pick you two up?” I asked, getting up and heading for my room to get me and the girls dressed.  
  
“If that’s not a bother. His car got a flat on our way here. We’re in the next town over at the movie theater on 5th,” he explained. I searched my mind for the place he was talking about.  
  
“I remember it. Okay, I’m gonna get the girls dressed and I’ll be on my way. Be there in half an hour,” I say, replacing my shorts with pants.  
  
“Thanks, Frank. Be safe, okay?” I smiled at his concern.  
  
“Of course. All right, be there in a bit. I love yo-” I cut myself off. _Well, fuck me…_ “Fuck,” I say, covering my face in embarrassment. Gerard starts laughing on the other line.  
  
“I love you, too, Frank,” he giggles. I shake my head.  
  
“Sorry. I normally only speak to Jamia on the phone. It’s habit,” I explain, pacing my room.  
  
“You still tell her you love her?” He asked.  
  
“We’ll talk about that later. I’ll be there soon.” Then I hung up. I was too embarrassed to be on the phone with him any longer. Oh, God, now he thinks I still love my ex-wife. I get the girls dressed, careful not to make the wrong move to trigger their crying. Without Gerard here to comfort one, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I put them back in their cribs before running downstairs and making them bottles for the car ride back so Gerard and maybe Ray could hold the bottles for them while I drive. After making the bottles, I went back upstairs and put my shoes on and then grabbing the girls and strapping them in their carriers. At the front door, I grabbed their diaper bag and swung it over my shoulder before opening the door and then picking them up again and walking outside. I put them down again to hold the door closed as I locked it and then picked them up once more as I walked to my car. It was such a long process to put them in any car because I needed at least one hand to do things, but I didn’t want to just put one of them down just in case they got ideas in their head that I favored one more. Call me paranoid.  
  
After finally strapping them into the car correctly, I got in the driver’s seat and took off to the city. I lived on the edge where it was quiet and I loved that my girls would grow up in a decent neighborhood and not some crazy city. I mean, I grew up here and I turned out okay. Gerard turned out great, even. He’s the perfect example.  
  
The girls start crying just as I park the car next to Gerard and another dude who is probably Ray. He has big curly hair and it looks fucking majestic and I wanna run my hands through it to see if it’s tangled or surprisingly _not_. I quickly waved them over and as soon as Gerard climbed in the front seat, I passed him the bottles. He seemed to get my message and got in the back next to Cherry and Ray shyly scooted in the seat next to Lily, and grabbed the bottle that Gerard was handing him after waving to me.  
  
“Hey, man. I’m Ray. Thanks for the ride and letting me stay for dinner,” he said as he held the bottle up for Lily. I smile at him in the rearview mirror.  
  
“It’s no problem, man. I’m Frank. Thanks for feeding my little Lily. The one Gerard is next to is my little Cherry,” I said back, introducing all of us. “So what movie did you guys catch?” I asked, trying to make some sort of conversation for the ride home.  
  
“Oh, we just saw some thriller movie. It wasn’t exactly interesting. We didn’t exactly watch it anyways,” Ray responded. I raised my brow and felt my stomach ache is sadness. Normally when people say _that_ , they’re making out or something. I looked at Gerard through the mirror and he was looking down at Cherry with a small smile on his face, causing my heart to tear. So they _are_ like that.  
  
“Oh?” I say back, realizing I still needed to answer. “I didn’t know you guys were dating.” I want to cry at my own words. I see the two look at one another before laughing softly.  
  
“Frank, _no_. Ray is like my brother. We snuck in and pretty much just people watched,” Gerard explained. I felt relief spread across my body and I chuckled.  
  
“Wow, sorry if I made it awkward,” I laughed.  
  
“Nah, it’s cool. So, Frank, what do you do?” Ray asked me. I smiled bigger because the answer was my pride and joy.  
  
“I’m in a band. We’re going on tour in about three weeks, so I’m excited for that.”  
  
“Wow, that’s so cool, man! I think I’d enjoy being in a band. I play guitar,” he said. Ray seemed like a pretty nice, laidback guy. The kinda guy I wouldn’t mind hanging out with.  
  
“Awesome. We should totally jam sometime,” I offer. I hear Gerard giggle and my heart nearly stops.  
  
“Frank, your age is showing.” I glare at him, silently asking what he means. “You said “jam.”” I roll my eyes.  
  
“Fuck off. I’m only 25,” I huff. This causes him to laugh and I can’t bring myself to even _think_ about getting mad at him.  
  
“Yeah, let’s totally play together!” Ray says, interrupting our small moment. I’m actually thankful.  
  
“I have extra guitars back at my place. We could _jam_ when we get home,” I say, stressing the word as I glanced back at Gerard and gave him the finger over my shoulder.  
  
Ray laughs. “Yeah, man. Sounds good. Oh, um, Lily fell asleep.” I groaned.  
  
“Those girls will be up all night,” I said. “Meaning, I, too, will be.”  
  
“I’ll stay up with you, Frank. Don’t worry,” Gerard said, lightly brushing his hand over Cherry’s cheek, watching as she stared back at him in wonder. I smiled, just letting the silence overtake for the rest of the ride. We were almost home anyways, but then my phone had a different idea and began playing out a Nirvana ringtone from Heart-Shaped Box. I grabbed it and held it over my shoulder.  
  
“Gerard, can you answer this? It’s Jamia.” I felt the phone slip out of my hand and Gerard’s fingers brushing over mine.  
  
“Sure thing. Hello?” He said as he answered the phone. I kept glancing between him through the mirror and the road.  
  
“No, Frank is driving us home right now.” I watched as he glanced out the window and nodded his head to whatever Jamia was saying. “Yes, we’re actually almost home. The girls are here. Lily fell asleep and Cherry is just looking around; they’re so cute,” he giggled. I smiled and turned my attention back to the road as home came into view.  
  
I parked and we all go out. I took the phone from Gerard and held it between my shoulder and cheek as Gerard and I unbuckled the girls. I’ll come out later to take the car seats out.  
  
“What’s up, Jamia?” I asked, holding Lily like my life depended on it. Which, yeah, it did.  
  
“ _I was just checking in. Seems everything is good. Skype me when the girls are awake, okay? I miss their little faces._ ” I smiled at how sincere she sounded.  
  
“Of course. They’ll probably be happy to see you,” I responded as I handed the house key to Ray. He seemed like he felt useless, no offense to him.  
  
“ _I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit. We have really big events coming up that drag along well into next year,_ ” she explained, sounding upset.  
  
“It’s okay. We’ll Skype as much as possible and I’ll keep sending you pictures and all that good stuff until you’re able to visit.” We walk inside and I take a seat on the couch with Lily bundled up in my arm and I smile down at her, feeling tears come to my eyes. This is my baby, and she has a sister, and I love them so much that it hurts. These little girls are a part of me. The excitement I felt for going on tour was suddenly replaced with dread at the thought of being gone for so long.  
  
“ _What about when you’re on tour?_ ” She asks.  
  
“I’m gonna give Gerard my laptop password so he can video call with the girls instead. And, if it’s okay, I’ll give him your number so he can send us both the pictures,” I offer. Just as his name is said, Gerard comes back empty handed and takes Lily from my arms to lay her down in the crib in my room. I smile at him and mouth a thank you. He gives me a bigger smile in return and turns and walks away.  
  
“ _That sounds good, Frank. Well, I’m off to take a nap. Had a long night and work day today. We’ll talk tomorrow?_ ” She says.  
  
“Of course,” I say as Gerard comes back and takes a seat next to me, Ray sitting on the smaller couch and looking around. “Sleep well. I love you. Bye.” She says it back and then we hang up. I toss my phone on the coffee table and lean back. I look over at the guys.  
  
“It’s none of my business, but I guess you guys are planning to get back together?” Gerard asks. I raise my brow. I hear Ray sigh and my attention shifts to him.  
  
“Sorry, Frank. Gerard is the kind of person who wants to know _everything_. He hates being clueless,” he explains.  
  
“No, it’s okay. Um, we’re not. She and I were best friends since we were little. It’s always something that we’ve said. When we started dating and then got married, we said it twice as much. It’s just always been a part of us. We’re still best friends, so that hasn’t changed,” I said. Gerard nods along, looking like he understands.  
  
“Awesome. So what do we do now that the girls are sleeping?” Ray asks. I shrug.  
  
“I’d recommend napping since Gerard and I will be up all night, but I’ve gotta make dinner now. You guys don’t mind having chicken and rice, do you?” I asked. They shook their head. “Awesome! Movies are there, gaming system is there, and CDs and vinyl’s are over there.” Then I get up and go to the kitchen to start making dinner.  
  
Man, I’m so punk rock.


	6. Jamming and Fantasies(?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit starts taking a sexual turn

So far, Ray was a really awesome guy and a total badass on the guitar. I could see myself recording with him one day. During dinner, he told me all the crazy things he would talk Gerard into doing with him and all the things Gerard would make him do as payback. Like the time he dared Gerard to go to school dressed in drag and make out with any guy who hit him, this made my drink nearly come out my nose. Awesome thing was he actually fucking did it!  
  
I could imagine the look on that guy’s face when he realized it was a guy and not the hot girl I know Gerard would make. I decided to stop all my thoughts right there for the fear of me imagining him in girl’s clothes.  
  
As payback, Gerard signed up Ray for the science fair and he had to do an experiment on eggs hatching. Unfortunately, all of his hatchlings died and he lost the fair, but he was the only one to get a makeshift ribbon that said ‘HAPPY YOU TRIED’ from the school administrators. And I nearly lost it there.  
  
“Are you serious?” I laughed as we took a break from playing. Ray nodded in agreement. He’d just told me that they once released rats into the boy’s locker room because they used to torment Gerard and all they heard from the room was guys screaming like little girls.  
  
“Yeah! It was the best thing ever!” Ray laughed, finally able to get a word in from his laughter. I set my guitar down and went for my water bottle, taking a huge gulp and savoring the coolness of it. I was singing some of the songs we practiced together and it was great being able to play freely without having to worry if it was good enough for the band. Right now, we were just friends messing around on our instruments. Gerard was upstairs, quietly listening in case the girls woke up and I felt bad about it. I know he’s meant to babysit the kids, but this is _his_ friend here and the dude is down in my studio with me. I spoke my worries to him and he shrugged it off, saying that it was definitely okay because he didn’t understand the technical side of music as much as Ray and I did.  
  
“You know, Gerard talks about you a lot,” Ray said out of the blue when I set my water bottle down. I raised my brow.  
  
“Oh, he does?” I asked, not really wanting to talk about it more. He seemed like the type of guy to just _know_ by the way you behave. He nodded.  
  
“Yeah. He says you’re really nice and committed to your daughters. That you’re great with music and you’re good looking,” he said. I gave a small smile, trying to remain calm because I was nearly a screaming girl on the inside. “He’s right about all of them.” My eyes widened slightly. Wait… Is this guy _hitting_ on me?  
  
“Thanks. I appreciate the compliments from you two. The same goes for both of you,” I say, returning the compliment. Ray laughs and thanks me and I’m left there, still shocked as before, as he goes back to strumming his guitar. I clear my throat, trying to burying the confusion. “So where did you learn to play?” I ask.  
  
“Oh, um, self-taught. What about you?”  
  
“Same. My father and grandfather originally wanted me to be a drummer, because they were, but the guitar was my calling. I’m glad they respected it,” I say. He nods in understanding and then I stand. “We should get back up there. I need to see if the girls are awake so I can video call Jamia.” We set my guitars away and head back upstairs.  
  
“Hey, how did it go down there?” Gerard asked as I came in and took a seat next to him while Ray took the other one in the recliner.  
  
“It went awesome. Ray’s really kickass on the guitar! Did the girls make a sound?” I ask him. He shakes his head, giving me a small smile.  
  
“They’re sleeping so much; I am concerned to no end. Maybe I should start keeping them awake a little because my days are just torture when I wanna sleep but they’re awake and I can’t. Is that selfish? I don’t know, I’m really exhausted, guys,” I laugh, rambling. I feel like I’m walking on air and I lean my head back against the sofa and sigh. The guys laugh and I smile because I know it was due to my strange way of talking. When I’m extremely tired and sleepy, I start to slur my words and I lose the definitions of simple things and the sort.  
  
“It’s all right, Frank. Is it all right if I drive Ray home? He lives on the other side of town. It’ll take almost ten minutes to get there,” he asks. I nod, mumbling a yes and to be safe.  
  
“It was nice meeting you, Frank! Let’s play together some other time, yeah?” Ray says. I open my eyes with my struggle and smile up at him. I hold my hand out to shake and I remember him shaking it before my eyes fell closed and my body became too tired to move. All I heard is Ray say, “he’s exhausted. Poor guy.” And Gerard replying with, “yeah, he’s a good dad.” And that’s it. Knowing that Gerard thinks I’m a great dad makes me smile and I drift off.  
  
 _“Will you marry me, Jamia?” I ask my then girlfriend at the time. I look at her beautiful smile and into her eyes full of tears as she nods excitedly and throws herself into my arms. This was one of the greatest nights of my life and it still is. Our divorce didn’t change things. She pulls away and suddenly I’m looking into the face of Gerard. His gorgeous smile has me mesmerized and, as if a bullet as hit me in the chest, I know that I can see this happening and I’m terrified because I truly only barely know the guy. He won’t be in my life for too long because who knows what’s going to happen to the band after we’re done touring. The guys are talking about marriage and families and just retiring, so where does that leave Gerard? He’ll probably just leave._  
  
 _“Frankie, I want to be with you forever,” he exclaims happily before pressing his lips against mine in a tender kiss. I’m held back in shock before I tell myself to just fuck it, because this is only a dream._  
  
My eyes snap open and I bolt forward hitting my head on something kinda hard. I groan in pain, clutching my head, but stop as I hear the same noise come from another person.  
  
“Gerard? What the fuck?” I say.  
  
“Hey, I didn’t know you were going to flip out and head-butt me,” he pouts, holding his head. I smile and stand up, but sway a little as I’m feeling kinda dizzy.  
  
“I’m sorry. I hope your head doesn’t hurt too much. Go get some sleep,” I say as I kiss the small bump on his forehead and pat his shoulder. I was already turned away when I paused and looked back at him. “What the fuck did I just do?” I ask, rubbing my eyes full of sleep. Gerard’s cheeks were stained red and he was smiling.  
  
“I think your papa bear side just came out,” he giggled. My pounded in my chest at the sound and I can only describe it as: Watch _Tom & Jerry_. Oh, well, he seems to think I have no idea what I’m doing, so I’ll just roll with it.  
  
“I don’t see you as my kid though,” I slur slightly. My capability to speak isn’t back yet. I watch as he tilts his head in confusion, but I only give a small smile in return. “I should take a nap before the girls get up. You should, too. I’ll tuck you in, if you want,” I offer, holding my hand out to him. He laughs and takes my hand and I want to die on the spot. I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush on Bono or something.  
  
“I think _I_ should be the one to tuck _you_ in, Frank,” he says as we walk up the stairs. I chuckle softly and pull him into my room. We silently walk over to my bed, careful not to wake my little sleepyheads and I start to undress to my boxers. When I turn back to smile on him, I freeze as his hands make contact with my chest.  
  
“Gerard?” I whisper.  
  
“Your tattoos are beautiful, Frank,” he whispers back. I look down at his hands running across every piece I have, shivering softly. “They fit you perfectly.” I pull his hands away by his wrists and step back.  
  
“Gerard, I’m a man with needs, you know. Especially when I’m half-asleep, I don’t have a lot of self-control.” His eyes widened at my words and I find myself regretting them. I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. I was just telling him the truth and warning him, I’d say that was a good thing. I mean, he can’t just go around touching and running his hands over my bare skin and expect me to not react to it, right? I sigh inside my head at my thoughts. He’s an innocent man and he shouldn’t have to worry about something like this. He just likes my tattoos and was admiring them. He wasn’t coming on to me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I say, feeling terrible after scolding myself.  
  
“Were you offering?” He says suddenly after a few moments of silence. I blink, confused.  
  
“Wait. What?” I ask, because I don’t think I heard that correctly. It sounded like he’s about to go for me.  
  
“Well, I’m trying to hit on you. Are you catching on?” My eyes widen. When the hell did he get so blunt? Nope, this has to be a hallucination from being sleep deprived. I chuckle softly, catching him off guard.  
  
“Nice try, Fake Gerard. Man, I’m really losing it. You’d never want me,” I say to him as I climb into bed and curl up into the blankets, smelling the detergent I use on them. It’s a nice scent. I need to keep buying that kind. I feel lips press against my temple and I freeze once again.  
  
“You have no idea how bad I want you. Good night, Frank,” he whispers right against my ear. Oh man, that’s _hot_. I feel myself become aroused and I put my hands between my legs, trying to contain my growing erection. I don’t have the energy to touch myself.  
  
“Good night, Fake Gerard,” I mumble as my eyes become heavier. I catch a glimpse of his lovely smile before I can’t open my eyes anymore.  
  
*  
  
I bolt upwards as soon as I heard the crying coming from my babies and rush out of bed, to their crib. I pick them both up and glance at the clock. It’s three in the morning and I’m happy I managed to get a few hours of sleep in. I walk around my room, slightly bouncing in my step as I hum softly ‘ _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ ’ to them. I think Cherry and Lily will grow into amazing women and even though they’re merely infants now, I can’t help but tear up at the thought of having to let them go, even far away in the future. It breaks my heart, and I suddenly feel so much respect for my own mother for letting my go without so much as a complaint. Even though I never missed the look of sadness in her eyes, she did her absolute best to hide it. I didn’t mention it for that reason. I should really give her a call.  
  
“Frank?” I heard Gerard’s sleep-filled voice in my ear. I turned to him and gave him a sleepy smile. There he stood in a full pajama suit. He looked so cute and it suited him. He walked over to me and grabbed Lily from my arms and held her. Together, we sat on my bedroom floor with the girls in our laps, really looking like a family.  
  
“Thanks,” I said, “for coming.” He gives me a small smile.  
  
“I’ll be here for as long as you need me. Which brings me to ask,” he said, pausing. I gesture for him to go on. “What about when you come back from tour? Would you still need me?” He asked, looking down. He sounded _sad_ and it hurt me.  
  
“yeah, I’ve been meaning to mention that. Um, the guys have been talking about disbanding because they’re all getting married and starting families or, like, thinking about it,” I explained, also averting my eyes from Gerard’s fragile-looking frame.  
  
“But that’s not fair, Frank,” he argued. “You were married to Jamia and you were still dedicated to your band. Not only that, but you’re a father of twins and your ex-wife is on the other side of the world and you’re still going on tour!” I looked back up at him, his words striking a chord with me.  
  
“It’s okay, Gerard. Thank you for being upset for me, but I think they have the right idea. I mean, as much as I love performing, I need to be here for my girls. I don’t want to be the type that misses their first steps or their first words, or they have to start asking where I am. It would,” my voice breaks and my eyes fill with tears just thinking about being an absent father, “it would really break my heart, Gerard. I-I can’t do that to them. As much as I love making music,” I cried softly. Gerard, being the saint he has proven himself to be, scooted over and put an arm around me. He hugged me until I wasn’t even sniffling anymore.  
  
“I’m sorry for crying like this.” He gives me a small smile and shakes his head.  
  
“Don’t be. Crying is a good thing. And about you growing up not being here for them, I’m sure you’ll find a way to do what you love, Frank, and still be involved in their lives. You’re a good father and I wish my own dad was like you,” he said, ending the sentence rather bitterly. I leaned my head to nuzzle his neck to show I cared about his feelings and he tightened his grip on me.  
  
“I’m sorry your dad is like that, Gerard. I don’t know the man, but if he makes you feel like _this_ , then I don’t want to,” I admit. Gerard was a good kid. Graduated at the top of his class and he was very kind. He was the guy you see helping the little old lady across the street because he wanted to. He was so polite, he was the kind of guy that held the door open for anyone behind him, because he felt _terrible_ if he didn’t. His dad missed out on knowing and molding Gerard into the man he was today. Yet, maybe Gerard would be as he was now had he been there. Thinking of the man sitting next to me as a completely different person was impossible.  
  
“It’s okay. Are you feeling any better, though?” He asked. I pulled my body away from his and nodded, looking down at Cherry who was staring at me with her mother’s eyes like I was the wonder of the world. It warmed my heart and I never wanted that look to leave her eyes. I never wanted either of my girls to know the horrors of the world, but I also wanted them to do something with their lives. The feelings inside me all contradicted each other, but it was a good feeling.  
  
“Yeah. As long as I have my girls, I’m the happiest man in the world,” I said softly, looking over at him. He pouted playfully.  
  
“What am I, non-existent?” He said, huffing. I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him gently into my chest.  
  
“Ah, yes,” he said, a stupid fucking smile on my face, “how could I forget my savior? I would be utterly devastated if you left my home.” He giggled.  
  
“Is that your way of confessing your love to me?” He joked. I laughed, leaning my head on his.  
  
“Oh, no. My secret is out.” We sat there for a moment before I realized what was happening. This wasn’t right. We were too _domestic_ for just being dad and nanny. I pull myself away from him and cleared my throat, not wanting to look at him. “Um, the girls seem to be falling asleep, so we should get them tucked in and turn in ourselves.”  
  
I laid in bed for the rest of that morning until the sun came up thinking about the seemingly _sad_ look in Gerard’s eyes. When he came into the room later that morning, around ten, I pretended to still be asleep. I couldn’t handle a conversation with him. It was draining. I liked him too much to be good for this family. Jamia liked him, yeah, but I have two kids. They aren’t old enough to understand and what about when they are? Will Gerard even _want_ to stay and be with me and be a father to the girls? He loves them, yes, but being a full-time dad and everything is tough, nevermind trying to have a career. It’s wrong to think so, but let’s say he does want to be with me, I wouldn’t want him to work, so he could look after the kids. It wasn’t fair to him because he was the kind of man who liked to earn his keep. For example, even though I’d been trying to talk with him about how much he’d be paid, he always brushed it off and said that we’d talk about that _after_ I came back from tour. He was so humble and I was envious of that.  
  
I didn’t budge as I felt the covers slip up and cover my exposed chest. He was covering me and I wanted to melt. I nearly flinched when his hands stroked my hair, but, without my mind’s permission, my body moved into his touch. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him, which I guess caught him off guard because he stumbled back, stammering an explanation.  
  
“I, uh, I… That was- I’m sorry. Th-that was really weird,” he stuttered. I waved my hand in a dismissive manner.  
  
“It’d be worse if you were boring,” I yawned, stretching my body out and groaning softly.  
  
“You know, Frank,” Gerard said, his voice getting slightly deeper and hoarse. “I am also a man with needs,” he said. I snapped my head at him and sat up quickly, my mind flashing back to the daydream I had last night just before getting into bed.  
  
“What?” I said. He tilted his head, confused.  
  
“I didn’t say anything?” He said, unsure of what I was talking about. I looked around the room, searching my mind. I think I’m losing it.


	7. The Almost Kiss

“Frankie, would you do me a favor and bend me over this couch and fuck me hard?” Gerard asked as I walked into the living room. _What the fuck_?  
  
“What did you just say?” I asked, my eyes widened quite a bit. Gerard raised his brow.  
  
“I didn’t say anything? Frank, are you okay?” He asked, walking closer to me. Instinctively, I took a step back causing him to stop.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m all right. Um, mind watching the girls while I take a shower?” I asked. He shook his head, his face full of concern. I smiled, hopefully, normally, and then ran into the restroom. I splashed some water on my face and took a deep breath.  
  
“All right, Frank. Get your shit together. These feelings for him are getting out of hand,” I whispered to myself. I got naked and turned on the tub faucet. I turned on the shower and stepped in, relishing in the hot water hitting my chest. I let out a small moan and then set out to shampooing my hair, just relaxing. I closed my eyes, washing the soap out of my hair, lightly scratching my scalp. I sighed softly, not caring about the water getting in my mouth. After getting all my shit done, I walked to my room with the towel wrapped around my waist. I cursed myself for forgetting some clothes due to keeping away from Gerard.  
  
“Frank?” I heard his voice from the bottom of the steps. I walked over to the railing and leaned over.  
  
“Yeah?” I said. We made eye contact.  
  
He smiled. “The mail just came in. Want me to get it?” He asked. I raised my brow. _He couldn’t wait until I was fully dressed and downstairs to say that? He’s weird_.  
  
“Um, no. No, that’s okay. I’ll get it. Thanks, though. I’m gonna go get dressed,” I said, pointing my thumb behind me in the direction of my room and pushing off the railing.  
  
“You look better like that,” he said. I stopped my movements.  
  
“Repeat that?” I said, getting frustrated with my own fucking mind.  
  
“I said, okay, I’ll be here?” He said, eyes squinted in confusion. I don’t blame the kid. I’m confused with my own shit. “Are you sure you’re okay, Frank? You haven’t been in a band that long, have you? Losing your hearing already?” He teased, a playful smile on his lips. I give him the finger as I walk away.  
  
“Kiss my ass,” I laugh. I hear his laugh as I close the door. I pull off my towel and lay down on my back. This bed is so comfortable. It was worth the almost heart attack I had when I saw the price tag. I sighed contently, closing my eyes and being surprised that they felt heavy. I guess I didn’t get enough sleep.  
  
“I wonder…” I yawn, “if Gerard would mind if I took a little nap,” I said sleepily as I let myself drift off.  
  
 _“Frankie, do you know how much you tempt me? Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Gerard asked, standing over me in bed. His eyes were full of a fiery want. I felt my body react to it. “Your fucking smile, your laugh, and oh, god, your tattoos. You’re so caring, nice, funny, and beautiful,” he says, climbing on the bed and sitting down on my stomach. I look down at our bodies and that’s when I see that he’s wearing absolutely nothing. I think I literally died and went to Heaven, because holy fuck me twice!_  
  
 _I bite my lip and look back up at him. “Gerard, is this… real?” I ask. Gerard shrugs._  
  
 _“Does it matter? Enjoy it while it’s here,” he smirks. I quickly sit up and gently push him off of me by his shoulders._  
  
 _“It matters. You matter to me. I want more than just a fuck buddy. I want a relationship,” I explain. I actually want to smack myself for passing up an opportunity, but I understand where my Heart is coming from. My mouth is right to listen to it. Gerard means more to me than sex. As much as I want him, I want his love first. I want him to love my girls first. I want his laugh and smile and that little gleam he gets in his eye when he sees his favorite movie is on._  
  
“Frank?” I’m shaken from my sleep. I bolt my eyes open and sit up quickly.  
  
“What? What? What’s wrong? Are the girls okay? Are you okay?” I ask frantically as I stand up. I look down at myself and blush, quickly picking up my towel and covering my lower half.  
  
“Um, I didn’t see anything, if it’s any consolation,” he offers. I raise my hand to stop him to talking.  
  
“Just… don’t. What is it? Did you need something?” I ask quietly, trying to get over my embarrassment. He gives me a sympathetic smile.  
  
“Um, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come over to my parents for dinner? Mikey just got home, so we’re going to have a family dinner,” he asked.  
  
“No, thank you. That’s your family time, yeah?” Gerard nodded. “Go have fun with your family. I’ll be here,” I say.  
  
“But I want you to come,” he says softly, looking down at his floor. I sigh and take a seat on the bed, patting the spot next to me.  
  
“What’s wrong?” I ask. He seems reluctant to tell me, but eventually opens up.  
  
“My dad is going to be there. And, well, he constantly praises Mikey and ignores me.” My heart breaks a little with how small he sounds. Like a little kid who was in trouble and scared about his parents finding out about the bad thing he did.  
  
“I would give you hug, but I’m only in a towel,” I say, hoping to make him laugh. He shakes his head, opening his arms and pulls me into him. I hesitantly hug him back, rubbing his back softly.  
  
“I’ll go, okay?” He nods against my shoulder and pulls himself away.  
  
“Sorry. Um, I’ll go dress the girls while you get some clothes on.” I smile at him and watches as he leaves, shutting the door behind him. I let out a breath I’d been holding. _Great, I’m having dinner with his shit father. As long as he stays happy, though._ I get dressed in a white v-neck and some black jeans and spray some cologne on myself before going out to the living room. I see Gerard struggling to get Cherry’s clothes on and make my way over to help him.  
  
“You look like such a dad,” I comment, pulling her arms through the arm holes of the little dress I bought for one of them when I thought they were just one baby. I love surprises, to say the least.  
  
“Do I at least look like a good dad?” He asks, shooting me an amazing smile. I can’t even control myself right now.  
  
“Yeah. You do,” I say softly, giving him a serious look. His smile disappears and he stares back at me. And there we are. Staring into ear others eyes as if it were a fucking Disney movie, but I don’t care. I’d be a cliché fuck with him any day and only him. I focus away from my thoughts and back to him; his face is closer than it was a few seconds ago, but I don’t mind it. Quite the opposite actually. I want it. Him. This. Us. Our lips are so close to touching, our eyes never leaving the others when his phone rings and breaks the tension. I pull away from him, realizing what was happening.  
  
I can’t do that. I want him to live his life first. I want him to experience things before deciding he wants us to be a family. I don’t want to wake up in five or ten years and he tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t do that. I can’t have that happen, especially to the girls. Their feelings mean more to me than anything. I don’t want them to get attached to Gerard as a parent and he leaves to, like, discover himself.  
  
I go back to dressing the girls and pick them up. I wait as Gerard talks on the phone, not paying attention to what he’s saying. I felt _hurt_ that I could allow myself to almost kiss him. Finally, he turns back to me.  
  
“That was my mom. They’re all ready for us,” he says quietly. The tension is so fucking heavy between us but I force a smile and nod.  
  
“Okay, let’s get going, yeah?” I say. He nods and takes Lily from my arms. We walk outside together and Lily is strapped in by the time I get to the car after locking the front door. I strap Cherry in and get in the car. As I’m backing out of the driveway, Gerard clears his throat, causing my ears to perk up. He’s going to say something.  
  
“Um, Frank about what happened in the living room,” he started. I took a deep breath and gave him a tiny smile as I turn the radio volume a little higher, silently telling him that I don’t want to talk. He nods, looking sad, but doesn’t say anything and I’m grateful. I’m so confused with myself.


	8. Mikey and the Family

When we arrive at the house, Gerard and I each take a twin inside and that’s when I’m met with the smell of chicken alfredo and it’s just delightful. I smile big at Gerard who gives me a small twitch of his lips. He’s nervous and afraid of what his father will say. I put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
“Don’t worry, Gerard. I’m here with you and so are the girls,” I say. This makes him smile and I relax, not even aware of being tense in the first place.  
  
“Thanks, Frank. Come on. I want you to meet Mikey. He’s really awesome,” he says, guiding me to the kitchen. His mother lights up completely at the sight of Gerard and it warms my heart. There’s a tall, really skinny kid leaning against the counter next to the sink and I’m guessing that’s Mikey. I drag my eyes over to the table where I’d seen a figure in my peripheral and I know that’s his father. He’s wearing a suit, tie hanging loosely around his neck and his eyes look tired. Like he just wants to go to the room and not deal with people. When his eyes reach Gerard, his lips curl into a small frown. When he and I make contact, he gives me a polite smile.  
  
“Gerard, sweetheart, we missed you! Hello, Frank,” she said after pinching Lily’s cheeks. I give her a smile and say hello before walking over to his father and sticking my free hand out.  
  
“Hello, sir. I’m Frank. This is my daughter Cherry and Lily is that little cute in Gerard’s arms,” I introduce my family. He stands as he shakes my hand, giving me a firm shake. I make sure to apply as much pressure as he does. He’s sizing me up and I stand my ground.  
  
“Nice to meet you, young man. How has Gerard been doing? Is he earning his keep around your home?” He asks. I make eye contact with Gerard and give him a smile before turning back to his father.  
  
“Yes, sir. I’m very glad to have him around. He’s been a big help,” I say, making sure to stress my happiness with a toothy smile. He nods, humming his approval.  
  
“That’s good. You have very beautiful daughters. Will your wife be joining us tonight?” He asks. I shake my head.  
  
“No, sir. I’m no longer married and their mother is currently working in the UK,” I explained. I was surprised Donna hadn’t mentioned my divorce to him, but I just let it go. It didn’t matter.  
  
“I’m sorry to hear that, son. Here, come meet my youngest, Mikey.” He gestures to the boy with glasses and beckons him over.  
  
“Hey, Frank. Gerard has told me a lot about you!” He greets. “Thanks for taking care of him.” I shake his hand when he sticks it out.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, and honestly, Gerard helps _me_ a lot,” I confess, giving a sheepish smile. We stand around awkwardly. Me smiling around at the family, Gerard looking at his feet, Mikey looking between his father and brother, Donna smiling as if nothing was wrong, and my girls cooing softly and staring around full of wonder. It was really fucking awkward and I kinda just wanted to look at my watch and make up some shit excuse to leave, but I promised Gerard I would stay to support him.  
  
“Well,” Donna exclaimed suddenly with a clap of her hands, catching all of us off guard. “Dinner is all ready so let’s take a seat!” We all got into chairs, Gerard and I sitting next to each other so the twins could hold hands. It was the cutest thing ever when they did that, it showed they were attached to one another.  
  
“Excuse me, Donna?” I said, looking at her and pulling my phone out. “Would you mind taking a quick picture of the twins with me and Gerard? I want to send it to my ex-wife,” I said. She nodded happily and took my phone, quickly snapping a couple of photos of us. I couldn’t wait to see them later. I bet we looked like a real family. After putting my phone up, I took the small jars of baby food out of the girls’ diaper bag and handed one to Gerard.  
  
“Thanks,” he said, grabbing the jar and popping it open. Donna set everyone’s plates in front of them, but ours remained untouched until the girls were done eating.  
  
“So, Frank, Donna tells me that you’re in a band?” Gerard’s father says. I nod, looking over at him.  
  
“Yes. We’re called Pencey Prep and we’re going on tour in, like, two and a half weeks. I’m very excited,” I say happily. I love talking about my band.  
  
“Oh, and your daughters?” He asked, his tone coming off kind of offensive.  
  
“Gerard is at my home not only to help take care of my daughters, but to looking after them and my house while I’m gone,” I answer as politely as possible. I’m on guard now. I _will not_ allow some workaholic father who plays favorites to insult me as a parent.  
  
“Oh,” he says, chewing his food slowly. “Isn’t that a bit irresponsible?” He asks after a few moments. My eye twitches.  
  
“Dad!” Mikey and Gerard exclaim at the same time. I clench my jaw, taking a deep breath and trying to let it go so I don’t ruin a family dinner.  
  
“Don!” Donna exclaims. “Apologize to Frank. He’s a wonderful father!” She comes to my defense. I shake my head.  
  
“No, no, that’s okay, Donna. Thank you,” I say. I turn back to Don and give him a stern look. “You can call it whatever you want, but I trust your son as he has proven to me that he can take care of my children while I’m away working for my family.” He scoffs.  
  
“Gerard? If you’d said Mikey, then that I can understand, but _Gerard_?” he dismissed my statement. I heard Gerard shift next to me and I turn to look at him, his eyes watering at his father’s words.  
  
“What about him shouldn’t I trust?” I ask, pulling Cherry closer to me as she seems to be falling asleep. “He graduated at the top of his class, he’s very polite and respectful, has a great taste in music, he’s amazing with children and cares a lot about them, has an awesome sense of humor, and he’s a very good friend,” I say. “So if there’s something in there that you can find to deem your own son untrustworthy, then please, tell me.” I’m challenging this son of a bitch. If he can insult his own son, then I don’t want my kids near him. His negativity could rub off on them. Fuck that.  
  
“My son likes men,” he said, like that was something bad. I scoffed.  
  
“So do I,” I argue. “What year are you living in, 1960? Come on, man. Get with the times. If you can’t accept your son because he likes men as well women, then that’s _your_ problem. Don’t shun Gerard because of your incapability to be accepting. You call me an irresponsible parent, but why don’t you make sure your own hands are clean before you go pointing fingers,” I say. I turn to Gerard. “Come on, we’re leaving. Mikey, Donna, you’re welcome to come with us. Otherwise, I’m sorry for ruining your family dinner, but I’m getting my girls and Gerard out of here.” I’m fuming. I stand up angrily, my chair scraping harshly against the floor. I walk to the door of the kitchen and wait for Gerard to kiss his mom good night. I notice Mikey doing the same and I’m grateful. I look back at their father and have a stare down. His glaring hard and I’m doing it right back. Fuck this guy; Thinking he can treat his own kid like this and get away with it. I’m even a little upset at Donna for letting this go down as long as it has. I will _never_ stand for anyone treating their kids like they aren’t humans with feelings. Just like I wouldn’t stand for kids talking shitty to their parents. I don’t discriminate, whatever. Fact is, you treat everyone kindly and with respect or you’re just a shitty person. Simple as that. I am absolutely seething and I fucking hate that Gerard grew up in this kind of atmosphere.  
  
The boys wait for me outside.  
  
“Thanks for the dinner, Donna. I’m sure it tasted wonderful.” She gives me a sad smile and I turn back to Don. “I’m sorry we had to start off this way, but hopefully you’ll come around and accept your own flesh and blood as he is: a wonderful _person_ ,” and then I leave, giving him no time to answer. I quietly close the door behind me and walk to the car. “I’m sorry for ruining things, guys,” I apologize. Mikey comes over and pats me on the back as I put Cherry in her seat. I notice that Gerard hasn’t said a word, but I won’t push him to. I stand up straight and smile at Mikey, waiting to see what he says.  
  
“Sorry?” He laughs. “Dude, that was fucking amazing! My dad’s face was priceless!” He cheered, a huge smile on his face. I look over at Gerard and he’s already buckled in. He’s been silent since before dinner, but I don’t want to upset him by trying to talk to him. Mikey climbs in and sits in between the girls while I get in and start the car. I put on some old tunes and start riding around the small town rather than just going home. I look over at Gerard and he’s just looking out the window. I feel really bad, but his dad deserved that. I wish I hadn’t met him, but I’m glad I got to give him my two cents after hearing about that homophobic shit. I reach over and put my hand on his. He flinches up turns his hand over and holds mine. I wasn’t expecting that. I was just gonna give his hand a reassuring squeeze, but if he wants to hold my hand then I’m definitely not going to pass that up.  
  
Later that night when we get home, I set the now sleeping babies in the crib and return to the living room where the boys have put on a movie. Gerard and I sit on the same couch as we always do while Mikey sits on the recliner. It’s really nice. I’m glad that Mikey decided to come along. I can get to know him better.  
  
“So, Mikey,” I say to cut the silence. It wasn’t awkward, just suffocating. He looks at me, his head tilted back slightly because his glasses rest on the tip of his nose almost. I smile because I find it endearing, a little quirk of his that makes him unique. “You’re going to a private school? What’s that like?” I ask. I’d gone to the normal public school here, but I’ve always been interested in private schools. He groaned.  
  
“They’re all snobby little shitheads,” he says, causing me to laugh softly. “Can you believe that most of them have never even _heard_ of Queen? Like, the hell are you living, under a rock?” That one surprises me, my eyes widening.  
  
“Are you serious? Freddie Mercury is my man-crush, alongside Bowie, Morrison, Morrissey, and John Lennon,” I say. They raise their brows at me. I shrug. “So I’m easy, whatever,” I smile. The rest of the night goes great. Mikey is pretty awesome and even though they hardly look alike, Mikey is just like Gerard in interests in music and comics. I show him the guest room with Gerard right beside me and we say good night. I walk Gerard to his room and bid him a good night as well.  
  
“Hey, Frank, there’s this drawing I want to show you. Will you come in?” He asks, gesturing me inside.  
  
“Sure! I love your drawings.” I walk inside and he closes the door behind me. Before I can even get a single sound out, I’m being pushed against the door. “Gerard, what are you-?” He puts his hand over my mouth and shushes me.  
  
“What you did for me at dinner was the nicest thing anyone has done and I want to thank you,” he says. I nod and then he pulls his hand away. “Frank, you’re an amazing dad and the most wonderful person.” And then it finally happens. What I’ve been waiting to do since I first laid eyes on him. His body pushes against mine as he kisses me. There aren’t fireworks or any of that crap. It’s more of a bittersweet thing. I shouldn’t be doing this as much as I want to, because I don’t want to trap him here. I don’t want him to feel obligated to stay here if he ever wants to go.  
  
“Gerard,” I say, pulling away. He looks at me, eyes wide and cheeks red. “I don’t want you to regret this,” I warn, feeling my own eyes water. “I gotta go to sleep, okay?” I say, opening his bedroom door. I’m almost out when he calls to me.  
  
“I like you,” he whispers, but I hear it loud and clear. I turn back to look at him.  
  
“I need to think,” I pause. “I like you, too, but I need to think about my girls first.” I will always be a father before anything else now. As soon as Jamia told me she was pregnant, I was a father and then a husband. I love her, of course, but my daughters will always be my daughters and she will always be their mother, but she and I will be nothing more than best friends. I want my kids to be okay with Gerard, and they’re only a year old. They hardly understand what’s going on now.  
  
I leave and return to my room, blowing Cherry and Lily a kiss before getting into bed and closing my eyes, finally allowing my tears to spill.  
  
Yeah, I’m just another rocker.


	9. The Bank Card and Band Practice

The first thing I did when I woke up, after only two hours asleep, was finally check the mail. Surprisingly, the girls didn’t fuss too much last night, but it was my own thoughts and worries that kept me up. I’m sure I looked like shit, but whatever, I didn’t have much to do anyways. Gerard wouldn’t be awake for another few hours and I wasn’t too sure about Mikey, but that wouldn’t be a problem. The girls were down and curled up between two pillows so they wouldn’t roll over and/or off the couch.  
  
I sat down with the mail and flipped through it and it was oddly satisfying. Like, I wouldn’t mind doing just this for the rest of my life, I just wish my babies wouldn’t have to grow up. I look at my phone, checking the date and then bolted upright. I just remembered that I need to go out and pay bills, along with getting a new card for Gerard to use while I’m away, and then band practice to go over our set list for our first stop in New York. Leave it to me to forget shit like that.  
  
I picked up my girls and took them to my room, and set them back in the crib before heading over to wake up Gerard. I knock on the door before walking inside.  
  
“Gerard?” I call out. He’s, like, curled up in all of his blankets and from the clothing on the floor, the little shit was naked. I swallowed the saliva gathering in my mouth, fuck him for being so fucking tempting, and walk to his bedside. I shake him from the shoulder. “Gerard, I need to go do something, will you watch the twins?” I ask, still shaking him. He inhales almost sharply and sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It’s so fucking cute! I just wanna take a picture and, like, frame it or some shit.  
  
“Hm?” He hums sleepily. I smile and take a step back after noticing how close we were.  
  
“I need to go do some things in town, will you watch the girls?” I repeat. He finally opens his eyes and looks up at me with the goddamn smile that could stop my heart any moment and nods his head.  
  
“Of course. Is Mikey awake?” He asks, pulling the blankets up to his chest, cheeks red. Aw, he’s embarrassed! I coo internally. I shake my head.  
  
“He hasn’t come out, so I don’t think so. Thanks for watching them. I’m gonna get dressed and then I’m going to be heading out. I shouldn’t be more than an hour, okay?” He nods and I leave quickly so he can get ready. As I’m walking out of his room, I run into Mikey. He raises his brow.  
  
“Did you sleep in Gerard’s room?” He asked, his voice sort of high with suspicion.  
  
“Nope,” I say, smiling a bit. “I was waking him up to watch the girls while I went out and did some adult shit,” I explain, walking back towards my room. “I’ll make breakfast when I come back. Sound good?” I say, turning to him. He nods, still holding that certain _I know_ look in his eyes, but I do my best to brush it off.  
  
I close my door and quickly get dressed. Just a pair of blue jeans and a Beatles shirt because they’re my favorite and then my work boots. I don’t really know why I have work boots, but they’re comfortable, so fuck it. Just as I’m tying my shoe, there’s a knock on the door.  
  
“Yeah?” I answer. The door opens as Gerard is standing there in his pajamas, hair wild, and eyes still sleepy. It’s sort of hot. I bite the inside of my cheek and stand up, grabbing my wallet, phone, the mail I need to turn in, the forms I need to make another account, and my keys. “I’ll help you take them down to the living room since they’re already awake. Thanks again,” I say. He smiles, walking over to the crib and peering down at them.  
  
“It’s what I’m here for,” he answers picking up Cherry. I pick up Lily and we head downstairs, Mikey already flipping through channels. I love this kid. He’s so at home wherever he goes, and I like that. He isn’t afraid to be himself. “Mikey, at least keep your feet off the coffee table,” Gerard sighed.  
  
“It’s okay,” I chuckle. “I do that, too. Well, I’ll be back as quick as possible, guys.” I hand Lily to Mikey after he watches me struggle on where to set her and makes grabby hands at her. They nod and say bye to me.  
  
“Wait, so what are you gonna go do?” Gerard asked, head tilted to the side in wonder. Mikey sighs, rolling his eyes at his brother’s natural curiosity.  
  
“I’m gonna go pay some bills and stop at the bank,” I answer, ruffling his hair softly. “Be good, okay?” I say to little Cherry in his arms. Gerard nods.  
  
“I will,” he says softly. Mikey snorts.  
  
“He was talking to his child, bro,” he laughs. His face turns red and he sends a glare at Mikey who give him a smirk. They’re great brothers. Being an only child, I never had this experience. Sure, I had friends who were like brothers, but late at night, when I needed someone to talk to, I couldn’t just walk to a room and find them there. It was kind of sad, but I got used to it eventually.  
  
“Anyways, be back soon!” Then I leave the house and get in my car. Not that I don’t love my daughters or anything, but I absolutely miss listening to the music at a decent volume. I put on a Nine Inch Nails CD and turn the volume as high as I could stand it, and then took off to the car dealership I needed to make a payment on. I seriously hated being an adult, but I’m proud of the fact that I’ve always been great with handling money.  
  
Okay, so during the hour I was away from home, I realized that I’m lonely as fuck without my kids with me. I got a little more things done, but what was the point of it if I wasn’t even enjoying it? How did I ever live my life without them? Even when I go back to the memories when I was a teenager, they’re still there. I smile to myself as I drive down my road, eager to get back to my family. I grab my shit from the passenger’s seat and practically run to the door. I burst through the door.  
  
“I’m home!” I exclaim. Gerard and Mikey are sitting on the couch watching a movie while the girls are in their laps giggling and squirming. I quickly pull out my phone and take pictures. “I’m gonna send these to Jamia later,” I explain.  
  
“Hey, Frank, how did everything go?” Gerard asks.  
  
“Good, good. I gotta talk to you about some stuff. Come into the kitchen with me?” He nods, standing up. “Will you be all right with both of them?” I ask Mikey.  
  
“Leave it to me!” He says proudly, holding them tightly, like his life depended on it. Which, yeah, it did. ‘Cause I’d hurt him if he hurt them. It happens, but still. Sorry, Mikey. Gerard and I walk into the kitchen and sit down on the table.  
  
“So is everything all right?” Gerard asked nervously.  
  
“What? Yeah, definitely! Don’t worry. I just wanted to talk to you about some financial things. At the bank, I opened up a new account, and have this temporary card, an official one will come in the mail soon,” I say, holding up the card. “When I’m away on tour, every week, I set up my account to transfer money into this card so you’ll have enough for food and stuff for the girls and yourself, okay?” I explain. He nods. “All right, every week, $200 will be put in there. I’m not sure if you’re good with money, no offense, but this is only for food, toilet paper, paper towels, bibs, shit like that, you know? Anything else you see around that you like, comics, movies, CD’s or whatever, _you_ have to pay for out of your pocket.” He nodded. I felt bad for having to set these limits but I need to be careful. This money is coming from my life’s savings. I’ve been putting money in there since I was six and my mom set up the account. When I got money for my birthday, it was put in there. When I had a job at fifteen, 25% of it went in there, 50% went to my parents, and the last 25% stayed in my checking account. All in all, it was safe to say that I knew what I was doing by now.  
  
“I understand. I’m decent with money. I only really spend on art supplies, and other small things here and there. Don’t worry, Frank. The money you put into the account will only go to the girls and other necessities for the house. You have my word,” he said, holding his pinky out. I chuckled at how cute that was. I lock my pinky with his.  
  
“Thank you, Gerard. I have band practice at three this afternoon.” He nods again. “Is Mikey going to stay?” I asked. I didn’t mind, I’d just like to know.  
  
“Um, is it okay? I don’t want my dad to rip him a new one,” he said feebly, looking down at his hands.  
  
“Hey, he can stay as long as he wants if your father is there, no offense,” I say. The man is an asshole, but that’s still someone in his family who helped conceive him, so I have no right to insult him just out of nowhere. He shrugs, shaking his head.  
  
“None taken. He’s an asshole.” I give him a sympathetic smile and we stand. I hand him the card and he takes off upstairs to put it away. I take a seat next to Mikey look over at my kids.  
  
“Hey,” he says, like he wants to know something.  
  
“Hm?” I say.  
  
“Do you like Gerard?” He asks, looking up at me.  
  
“Of course. He’s a good person,” I say, trying to avoid what he means.  
  
“Don’t play dumb, Frank. You know what I mean,” he says, staring me dead in the eye. I sigh.  
  
“I can’t, but yeah. Just between us,” I admit. It feels just great to get it out. He looks at me thoughtfully for a moment before nodding understandingly.  
  
“Why can’t you?”  
  
“My kids come first. Always,” I answer. He leaves it at that and a moment later, Gerard comes back and sits in the recliner. I lean over towards Mikey and stroke Lily’s cheek. She gives me a small squeal and toothless smile and I want to melt. Her eyes are absolutely gleaming with happiness and I like to think it’s because I’m here. Like she knows who her dad is and she’s glad to see me. Cherry, my sleepyhead, is leaning against Mikey’s torso, eyes drooping and I grab the small blanket that’s on the arm of the sofa and pull it over her. “Looks like you’re stuck there, Mikey,” I say, chucking at his pout.  
  
“I have no problem with it. I love babies.” I reach for Lily and hold her in my arms. She’s so giddy and almost squirming on my lap but she’s smiling big and giggling and I think that my life is complete. After thinking for a moment longer, I realize I don’t even need to be in a band to be happy. I just need them and that’s all. I peer over at Gerard who is focused on a picture of the girls, and add, _yeah, I need him, too_.  
  
Romantic relationships don’t really mean anything to me, but I know that I need to be in one with Gerard. I need to have him be a part of this family because he just feels so _right_. We all stay in the living room watching movies and I laugh at Gerard and Mikey’s bickering but I’m happy and I can feel that the guys are as well. Once it hits 2:45 pm, the girls are asleep in their crib upstairs, and I’m standing up off the couch.  
  
“Time to go?” Gerard asked. I nodded.  
  
“Yep. Practice is until six, so if anything happens at all, call me and I’ll Superman my ass over here. What do you guys feel like having for dinner?” I ask, heading to the door. They both look at each other and shrug. “Right, well, there’s a takeout menu on the kitchen counter. Look through that and text me what you want so I can order on the way home for pick up. Be safe!” Then I close the door and take off. I’m excited for band practice, because playing is so exhilarating. I don’t _need_ the band to be happy, but I still want to support my family. And what better way than doing something you love?  
  
*  
  
“Hey, guys, so after touring is over and done with, I know we’d mentioned disbanding, but, well, we got an offer to tour with another band,” Shaun, the keyboardist, mentioned. He was the one who kept track of our touring and answered the calls and made some.  
  
“With who?” I asked, my heart racing at another tour and the thought of leaving my girls again.  
  
“Taking Back Sunday,” he said. Everyone was quiet. Our sound was different from theirs, but we could really gain some light if we toured with them. I looked around at the others, who all seemed to be conflicted.  
  
“What do you say?” I asked. No one wanted to make eye contact other than Shaun who smiled eagerly. “What are you all concerned about?”  
  
“Our families,” came the reply.  
  
“I have two one year olds and my ex-wife is on the other side of the world,” I said blankly. “I know it’s hard. I’m scared to leave them, too, but this is what I’m doing for them and even myself. Just think about it and whatever you guys want, that’s what we’ll do. Let’s just get through this tour and we’ll go from there,” I explained. They nodded and band practice was over. I went for a short drive afterwards to clear my mind and to also wait the 15 minutes it was going to take for our food to be ready.  
  
A tour with a pretty big group, I thought, that’s good. Really good. It would be amazing and door opening to other opportunities. I’m positive that the band is going to split, I can just feel it despite trying to have faith. If that happens, maybe I can make my own band. Who knows though. Maybe my time playing in a band is supposed to end after our first tour. Maybe I was only meant to have my name on one album and that was it. Maybe I was just meant to work a normal nine to five job and that’s it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I actually admire people who can do that. It takes a lot of dedication to continue with something like that, but it’s not for me.  
  
I sighed and knew then that a band is the only thing I’d ever know and I need to remember that. The scorpion on my neck is the reminder to keep going. After picking up the food, I went home and was met with my babies’ giggles and raspberries being blown along with the guys’ laughter. It made me smile.  
  
“I come baring food!” I announce, walking through the door. We set up at the table and Gerard and I fed the girls as Mikey ate and watched us. After the girls were full, we all ate together. It kind of made me laugh because Gerard and I were in sync and it was great.  
  
“How was band practice?” Gerard asked. “Did something happen? You’ve been quieter than usual,” he noted. I shrugged.  
  
“Well, um, “I started, “after our first tour, we were offered to tour again with, uh, Taking Back Sunday,” I said. Their eyes lit up.  
  
“Frank, that’s great!” Gerard exclaimed.  
  
Mikey nodded, “Yeah, that’s awesome, man!”  
  
I sighed. “They don’t know if they want to take it, and honestly… I don’t know either,” I admitted. Gerard put his hand on my shoulder.  
  
“What’s wrong?” He asked softly, clearly concerned.  
  
“I just have _a lot_ to think about. We’ll talk later because it applies to you, too,” I warn. If we decided to go for tour, I’d have to find another caretaker for my kids because Gerard shouldn’t be stuck here. He nods, looking _afraid_.  
  
Maybe he’ll know what I should. I should take that into consideration, because although my kids come first, his feelings matter before mine, too.


	10. Talking and the Dream(?)

Later that night, Gerard and I are sitting in my room holding the girls and sitting on my bed. He looks extremely nervous as fuck and I feel bad about it, but I’m nervous, too.  
  
“Frank, if this is about me kissing you last night, then, well, I’m not sorry, but I promise it won’t happen again,” he says quietly after a while. I look up at him and give him a smile, because he’s cute and his words were adorable, but I shake my head.  
  
“It wasn’t about that,” I say, and his shoulders slump, relaxed now. “It’s actually about your job here.” He nods at me to go on. I sighed, running my hand through my hair and thinking for a brief moment that I should probably get a haircut soon. “Look, if the guys and I decided to take that second tour, I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay here and look after the girls. I want you to pursue your own goals and achieve them and all that, you know?” He nods, looking back down at Lily in his lap.  
  
“Who would look after them, though?” He asked quietly. I shrugged my shoulders.  
  
“I don’t know. I’d have to find someone else,” I mumbled.  
  
“I don’t want to leave you guys.”  
  
“I don’t want you to be stuck here for months on end because you’re taking care of my kids. I want you to experience things, Gerard. And even if I don’t go on another tour, then I don’t know what you’d be doing here,” I say. He shoots his head back up to look at me. I think I fucked up the way I worded that sentence and I felt like a piece of shit. “That came out bad. What I mean, is that your job of helping me with my girls would be done, I guess.” I scooted closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder.  
  
“I want to stay here, Frank. With you and the girls. I want to be a family and I may not have that right, to say that, but this life is what I want,” he said, making me look up at him. I must’ve died and gone to heaven, because if I heard what I think I just heard, I must be dead. That, or drugged out of my fucking mind.  
  
“Gerard-”  
  
“Look, I know your kids come first and I’m not trying to get in the way of that, but can you at least let me make my own decision’s and then talk about them with you?” He asks. Slowly, I nod.  
  
“I have people who pay me to make them something and people who buy what I sell online. I’m not saying it’s a stable thing or anything, but it makes me happy that so many people want my art and I’m working with that right now. I’m eighteen, Frank. I got enough time to achieve the things I want. What I want to do right now, is help take care of the girls, date the hell out of you, and maybe one day be a part of your family,” he says, sighing in relief. It was as if he’s always wanted to say that. I stare blankly at him.  
  
“You want to date me?” I finally say. Wow, all that shit he said and _that’s_ what I’m going for? You’re fucking amazing, Frank. I hope you know that. He laughs softly, more of a nose exhale, if I’m being honest. It’s like texting ‘lol’ when you actually just exhale from your nose. Personally, I _hate_ texting and prefer to call and I’m also getting off topic.  
  
“Well, I don’t just put my lips on anyone, you know.” I nod. Okay, I feel that.  
  
“I don’t think a relationship right now would be good, so maybe we give it some time, yeah?” I asked. He nods.  
  
“That’s fair.” We stayed like that for a while, my head on his shoulder and sitting with the girls in our laps. It was a good life, which made me dread going on tour. This was the very first time I’d be doing something like this with kids, and I was nervous. But I trusted Gerard to look after them, and Mikey would probably be here to help since it was summer vacation for him, but eventually he’d have to return. I think about how big the house and feel myself sadden at the thought of Gerard being alone here. Ultimately, it came time for us to sleep while the girls were getting their own sleep on. We set them down in the crib and then looked at each other.  
  
He looked so pretty and the way his lips were wet from his tongue (he’d just licked his lips and I nearly died when he did), it made me think some dirty fucking thoughts about him. I walked him to my bedroom door and opened it for him.  
  
“If they start crying, I’ll rush over,” he said, whispering for the girls’ sake and for how silent the house was. I nodded and pulled his head down a little more towards me so I could kiss the hell out of his cheek.  
  
“Thanks, Gerard. You’re great. Get some sleep, okay?” He nods, his cheeks red and his lips quirked in the way that showed he was trying not to smile, but failing. He gave my hand a squeeze and then walked back to his room.  
  
I laid in bed with only the light from the small nightlight I had on and soon fell asleep.  
  
“ _Frankie, Frankie, please. Don’t make me wait any longer,” Gerard begged me. What? He was on all fours on the bed, his bottom facing my direction exposing all of himself to me. I looked over to where the crib was, but there was nothing there. It was just me and Gerard right now. I smirked, liking what I was seeing. Desperately, he looked back at me over his shoulder, mouth open and letting out pants and I think I could’ve come all over myself right then. “Frankie, you’re being so mean,” he whined, his face dropping to the bed, spreading himself open more for me. I moved right behind him and ran my hand over his ass, relishing in the softness of it. I smacked it gently, causing him to jump and let out a soft moan._  
  
 _“Fuck, Gerard,” I whispered more to myself than him. I got eye level with his stretched hole and my mouth watered at what was eventually to come (other than me). Without wasting anymore time, I connected my mouth to his entrance and pushing my tongue inside, massaging his cheeks with my hands and holding him more open. He let out a loud moan, pushing back onto my face, and I loved making him squirm this way._  
  
 _“Frankie, please, I can’t- please, just fuck me!” He begged. Oh, man, this was the best thing ever. I need to think whoever the fuck let this happen. God or whoever, maybe Mary decided I needed a break; I don’t give a shit. I’ve been waiting to push myself into him since the moment I met him. No matter how wrong it may have been at the time. The rule book, I’d tossed out the fucking window a while ago._  
  
 _I positioned myself at his entrance and was just about to push in, but I wanted to observe him more first. The indention of his spine peaking against his skin, his pale body exposed and eager for me right here. I smiled to myself, thinking about how much I felt like I loved him. I never really knew if I had ever loved Jamia, but I don’t think so, because it never felt like_ this _when I was with her. It was a different kind of warmth I received and gave the man in front of me right now._  
  
 _“Frank?” He asked, turning around to face me, face flushed. I stared at his face, slightly pushing my hips forward. “Frank, wake up, Mikey and I wanna watch movies with you and the girls.” What the fuck? I looked around, watching as everything faded to bright white before going dark._  
  
And then I opened my eyes slowly, peering up at Gerard.  
  
“What?” I asked, my voice full of sleep. Gerard smiled down at me and then blushed, avoiding eye contact. “What’s wrong?” I asked again, and then looked down at myself. There I was in all my fucking glory with a hard on. I quickly turned myself over, thankful I was under the blankets. “Wow, if that isn’t the most embarrassing fucking thing ever, then I don’t know what is,” I muttered. I heard him giggle.  
  
“Come on, sit up,” I said, pulling on my shoulder. “The girls and Mikey are downstairs already.” I sat up, keeping my arms over my stuff. Before I could process what was happening, Gerard was already on his knees in front of me, pulling the blanket away.  
  
“What are you doing?” I asked, panting slightly.  
  
“I’m helping you with your problem?” He said, as if it weren’t obvious enough already.  
  
“Oh. Gerard, no. Um, you don’t have to do that. I’ll just take a shower and I’ll be down in a minute.” He shook his head, pulling me out of my boxers and stroking me. I bit my lip, stifling a groan. To finally, fucking _finally,_ be touched my him was like that satisfied feeling you get after a good workout, Jesus fucking Christ!  
  
“Let me handle this, Frank. Just don’t be too loud or Mikey will know,” he said, and then quickly took me into his mouth. I tensed, glancing between his mouth stretched around me and the closed door.  
  
“Oh, _fuck_ ,” I growled softly, gritting my teeth. His tongue, his fucking tongue. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I nearly groaned in frustration as Gerard pulled his mouth off of me quickly and tucked me back in my boxers before setting the blankets over my lap.  
  
“Yeah?” He called out, standing up and wiping his mouth. The door opened and Mikey stepped through.  
  
“Hey, I’m hungry. Can I make French toast? Oh, man that really tickles my fucking fancy right now,” Mikey said, sighing softly with a smile on his face. I laughed at his choice of words and nodded my head.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll make it for you, man. You and Gerard go find a movie to put on and I’ll be down there in a bit,” I said. The younger brother nodded and headed downstairs while Gerard turned to me and smiled.  
  
“Sorry for the interruption,” he muttered, careful of the volume of his voice. I shook my head.  
  
“That’s okay. I’m not upset or anything.” I stood and pulled on some sweats, not bothering with a shirt, because fuck it. He nodded and gave my cheek a kiss before leaving the room in his little pajama suit. It looks a little big on his small frame but holy cheese and crackers does it fit him. As soon as he closed the door, I dropped back down on the bed and rubbed one out so fucking quick. I can’t believe his _mouth_ was on _me_ , like, what the fuck did I do to deserve that? I still felt his saliva spread all over me and that about did. I was finishing all over my hand and the bottom of my stomach.  
  
What did I do to deserve the life I had now? Two beautiful children who had such a loving mother, a nice home, a somewhat steady career, a man who loved me and my kids as his own family. And, wow, isn’t life great?  
  
I thought back to those times I was a little kid thinking there was so place for me in the world and chain-smoking the hell out of my packs, hoping for an earlier death and now here I am. Stronger than ever, happier than ever, and loved more than ever.  
  
That was it, I thought then, life does get so much better. I just had to be patient. I had to grow as a person and understand who I was before I was graced with this content life.


	11. Frank, The Blunt Father of Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey helps and Frank is just not gonna beat around the bush anymore

After finishing breakfast, the guys and I sat in the living room with the Devil’s Rejects playing while the girls were in the crib right in front of me where I could see them. They looked so amazing and adorable in their little onesies, and it just occurred to me that I should go out and buy them more. Then another thought popped into my head.

 

“Oh, shit!” I yelled, jumping to my feet.

 

“What? What? What?” Gerard asked frantically, quickly standing as well and grasping my shoulder. I turn over to look at him.

 

“Jamia!” I say, running upstairs. “Watch the girls for a minute, I gotta video her!” I grabbed my laptop and set on the desk inside my room and opened it, quickly logging on. While it was doing that, I went back downstairs to get the girls. “Gerard, get Lily and follow me,” I demanded. Without even saying anything, he did what I asked and we went back up to my room.

 

 

“Frank, do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?!” Jamia yelled through the screen. I flinched, trying to shrink away from her gaze.

 

“I’m _sorry_ ,” I sighed for the millionth time. I’ve been apologizing for the last ten minutes while she’s been blowing up at me.

 

“Sorry doesn’t turn back time and make you do a better job at contacting me with _our_ daughters,” she said.

 

“I was _exhausted_ , Jamia. It’s not like I did it on purpose. I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. Can you get off my back?” I argued. I look down at the girls in my lap and held them closer. “Besides if they start crying because you’re yelling, you’re gonna feel bad. Just stop. I’m sorry, okay?” I looked back up at her, giving her a pleading look. She sighed and nodded her head.

 

“I’m sorry, Frankie, I’m just so stressed out and I just want to hold my baby girls,” she said, her voice cracking. I shook my head.

 

“No, it’s all right. I’m sorry we can’t do more. I’d be too worried taking the girls on a plane,” I admitted.

 

“No, it’s okay. When they get older, we can think about something like that.” I nodded and leaned back, the girls leaning against my stomach, eyes drooping. “They’re falling asleep,” she stated. I looked down at them and smiled.

 

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” I murmured, just loud enough for her to hear. She hums an agreement.

 

“Yeah, they’re gorgeous. Imagine how amazing they’ll be when they get older. I can just see them running around the house and messing with things. Calling me mom and you dad. I can’t wait for that, Frank. I really can’t,” she says softly. I laughed.

 

“Oh, man, it’s going to be so tough chasing after both of them,” I groaned. “Will you be back in the US by that time?” I asked, looking up at her. She shrugged.

 

“It depends on where the company puts me. So far, right over here is where I’m needed the most.” I wanted to correct her and say that over here with the girls is where she was needed, but I didn’t want to upset her. She’d take it like I was calling her a bad mother. Which she isn’t, it was really hard for her to leave in the first place, but the girls hardly know her voice and her face. Really, it was my fault because I needed to do a better job at video calling her.

 

“Okay, J, I’m gonna set them down for their nap. I’ll send you pictures, okay?” I said as I sat straighter. She nodded, smiling sadly.

 

“Give them a bunch of kisses for me. I love you and them,” she said softly. I smiled.

 

“We love you, too,” I said. We stared at each other for a moment before she hung up the call. I stood, wiggling my body to get a better grip on the girls before slowly laying them down one by one. After being sure that they were going to stay asleep, I walked out, turning the light off and leaving the door a bit cracked open.

 

“How was Jamia?” Gerard asked as I came into the room and took a seat.

 

“She was good. A little frustrated and missing the girls, but good overall. We’re thinking about flying me and the girls over there in a year or so,” I said, smiling at how good it would be if their family was together again. I know she and I would never get back together, but just being all in the same room would be a wonderful thing, because we didn’t hate each other or anything. We’d spent our entire lives together and us being together was what everyone, even us, expected so that’s what we did. I thought how I felt about her was love, but it wasn’t until I _really_ looked at a man and found myself thinking lewd things about us together that I thought our marriage was wrong.

 

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Gerard said softly. I smiled at him and his cheeks went red causing my smile to grow. Mikey looked over at me and gestured to his brother. I raised my brow, confused by what he meant and then he made a kissy face and my eyes went so wide. He wanted me to kiss him. Well, maybe a kiss wouldn’t be so bad.

 

“Hey, Gerard?” I asked, my heart beat speeding up. I never used to be so blunt about what I wanted or my thoughts or whatever, but when you get older, you really stop giving a shit and realize that life is too fucking short to go around with your hand over your mouth. His eyes shot back up to look into mine and pure curiosity went through them.

 

“Yeah?” He asked. I smiled.

 

“Come here. I’d go to you myself, but I’m really fucking tired,” I laughed. “I want to kiss you.” His eyes went wide and he immediately turned to Mikey, trying to maybe come up for an excuse.

 

“I- but- Mikey, I mean-uh,” he stammered. I laughed.

 

“What about Mikey?” He remained speechless. “Mikey doesn’t mind, do you, Mikey?” I asked, peering over at him. His face held a smirk and he wriggled his brows at his brother.

 

“Not at all. In fact, it was my idea.” Gerard quickly hugged his brother and pressed a hard kiss to his cheek. “Yuck. Go kiss Frank, not me,” he whined, trying to push him away, but still had a smile on his face nonetheless. Gerard quickly complied with his demand and rushed over to me and held my face. As I looked into his eyes, I couldn’t help but think ‘oh, fuck, this is fucking happening. Oh shit, shit, shit. He’s so fucking pretty. Oh my God!’

 

He grabbed my face and honestly, all that shit you see in the movies is not true. In fact, that kiss was shy, awkward and more like we were a pair of thirteen year olds who liked each other and were dared to kiss by our nosey friends. We both laughed softly before trying again, our lips mashing together and moving against one another in a type of dance. This was about as close to Movie Kiss we were going to get and I was pretty relieved about that. Mikey cheered in the background, causing us to pull away as we laughed.

 

Maybe we could start dating _now_ , rather than waiting. The girls already love him and maybe they wouldn’t mind having two fathers, if our relationship does work out.

 

“What do you say we go out on a few dates and see how it works for us?” I suggested, rubbing my thumb across his cheeks, my eyes never leaving his. His eyes lit up and he nodded eagerly. Mikey snorted in the back.

 

“Way to be slick about it, big bro. Remind me to never go to you for dating advice,” he teased. Gerard threw him the finger over his shoulder, causing me to laugh again. I pulled him in for another kiss.

 

“We’ll go out tomorrow night, if Mikey doesn’t mind watching the girls?” I offered, looking over at Mikey.

 

“Leave it to me, man,” he said confidently. My look hardened.

 

“You drop them, I drop you, and then Gerard might drop me, but I’ll still do it,” I said seriously. Gerard nodded.

 

“Well, I’d probably help you drop him and then drop you,” he explained, looking off to the side in thought. I raised a brow.

 

“Okay, but if you do that, then you’d have to drop yourself for also helping to drop your brother, so it would be redundant.” I was confused. Gerard shrugged.

 

“Well, either way, I trust him to be good with the girls. He helped me babysit sometimes so he definitely knows how to take care of kids. Plus the threat of being dropped is also motivating,” he nodded along.

 

“Okay, then. It’s a date!” I exclaimed, feeling awesome for saying a line I’d always wanted to in the correction situation. A date with Gerard is going to be amazing, I’m sure of it. I gotta remember to take a lot of pictures of us and make a photo album and wow, I’m getting a little gayer and gayer every day that I spend with Gerard. I shrug to myself. I’d be anything for that dude and that’s probably where I’m gonna go wrong. Oh, well, enjoy life as it’s happening, am I right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter (mainly dialogue), but I hope you've all enjoyed nonetheless! If there's anything anyone would like to see happen in the story, comment or something and I'd be happy to work it in, so long as it fits the plot so far, of course :))
> 
> Much love,  
> -CL


	12. The Reassurance of Frank Iero

I did the gentlemen-y thing and opened the door for Gerard. He thanked me with that cute fucking blush on his cheeks and climbed in. He looked very nice, as he always did and I was thankful for the tight pants he was wearing. Not that that was the only thing I cared about, but, hey, the dude had a nice ass and I wasn’t going to be rude by _not_ acknowledging it. I got in the driver’s side and buckled in before starting the car.  
  
“Ready?” I asked him. He looked over at me shyly and nodded his head. I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. I drove in the direction of the movie theater, humming along to whatever song was on the radio, which happened to be Culture Club’s _Karma Chameleon_. Gerard, at one point, reached over and put his hand over mine and held it tightly. I smiled over at him and turned my hand around to hold his properly. The drive wasn’t too bad and I was enjoying it, but I also had a habit of looking in the mirror to see how my girls were, often getting slightly startled when I saw their seats empty. I took a deep breath to calm myself, but I couldn’t help but want to grab my phone and call Mikey to see how they were doing and Mikey was handling them properly. I couldn’t help but worry, even if I knew they were in good hands.  
  
“Frank?” Gerard asked when I hadn’t driven forward at the green light. I snapped to and pressed on the gas, thankful there was no one behind us. “Are you okay?” He asked, squeezing my hand a little tighter. I nodded, smiling sheepishly.  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just,” I sighed. “I miss the girls.” I saw him nod from the corner of my eye.  
  
“It just seems a little too quiet, yeah,” he said softly. “Do you wanna go back?” He asked. I shook my head.  
  
“It’s our date, Gerard, and the girls are probably being cooed over by Mikey. I trust him.”  
  
“He _loves_ them,” he responded. “We could always go home early, too. We can just make dinner together instead of going out.”  
  
“That sounds like a good idea. Oh, man. I can barely spend a couple of hours without them, how am I gonna cope when they start school?” I groaned, absolutely dreading the thought. “How am I going to go on tour and leave them for months?” I said quietly. A _huge_ part of me was regretting it all, but this was something I’d dreamed about doing my whole life. This was something that was in my blood. But lately I’d found myself thinking that I didn’t _need_ that life. I was struggling so much internally, but I knew that the answer would just come to me when I needed it most, call me superstitious or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.  
  
“Frank, you’ll be proud. You’ll see them growing up and probably think to yourself, “wow, they’re getting more and more beautiful every day,” and you’re gonna smile because they’re _yours_. They’ll call you dad and always go to you for help and that’ll never change,” he said, slightly stumbling over his words. I pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater and parked before turning to look at him.  
  
“You… really don’t think that’ll change? You think they’ll always love me? They won’t grow to hate me?” I asked with slightly wide eyes, as if he had all the answers. I knew he didn’t, but pretending he did really helped me. Gerard shook his head.  
  
“I don’t think they’ll ever hate you, Frankie. You’re going to be the best father; I can already tell. I mean, you took Mikey in and provide for me, him, and your daughters without even batting an eye. You’re a natural caregiver.” I smiled at his words and nodded, pulling him into a tight hug and holding him.  
  
“Thanks, Gerard, that really _really_ means a lot to me,” I said, pulling away to arm’s length. He smiled at me, that small cute blush staining his cheeks in the way that drove me crazy (so, like, every way he blushed, honestly). I gave his cheek a kiss which earned me a giggle. “Let’s get inside. It’s starting to get colder,” I said as I opened the door and stepped out. Unfortunately, he didn’t wait for me and got out himself. I sent him a pout and crossed my arms over my chest.  
  
“What?” He raised a brow.  
  
“You’re making it awfully hard to be a gentleman when you’re doing shit on your own.” He rolled his eyes playfully with a fond smile on his face.  
  
“Oh, how charming of you. You must drive all the men and women crazy for you,” he teased. I smiled smugly.  
  
“Have you seen this jawline?” I asked, pointing it out. Gerard giggled. “I’m just kidding. I’m not that full of myself.”  
  
“No, but you definitely should be. You’re absolutely beautiful,” he admitted shyly. I blushed this time, trying to hide my cheeks by coughing and covering half my face with my hand. I knew he saw, but he just gave me a grin and I was thankfully for that. I held my arm out for him and led him to the theater doors. When we got to the booth, I pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and paid for our tickets to the screening of _Pulp Fiction_.  
  
“Best date movie, ever,” I chuckled as we went to find seat. We both decided to not get any snacks so we could save room for our dinner.  
  
“Agreed,” he laughed softly. “Who wouldn’t wanna see that famous _What_ scene?” I bit back a smile at the thought and nodded.  
  
“Oh, yeah. I’m hoping they’ll have a _Wizard of Oz_ screening soon,” I added. He gave me a curious look.  
  
“Why that movie? It’s _so_ overrated.” I gasped and put my hand to my chest.  
  
“How dare you,” I said, glaring softly at him. “The movie is quite _underrated_! I don’t think anyone realizes exactly how amazing a movie in technicolor was in _nineteen-thirty-nine_!” He exclaimed.  
  
“Wow, you really like this movie, don’t you?” He smirked. I nodded.  
  
“Fuck yeah! Who wouldn’t? My girls are gonna be quoting that movie with me one day.” I felt proud of that thought, wanting nothing more than to spend my Sunday mornings doing that. Gerard shook his head, a fond smile on his lips.  
  
“I’d like to be part of that one day,” he said softly as he grabbed my hand tightly. I looked up at him, staring into his eyes, and tried biting back a smile, but he knew I was excited about that idea. A life with Gerard would make me content. I knew this kid for a few weeks and I turned into a cliché fuck and fell in love at first sight. I guess it does only happen once, if at all. I didn’t think I would be married to Jamia the first time we met, us being together just made sense because we’d always been very close, but when I saw Gerard standing on my doorstep slightly out of breath, I felt that something could actually happen with him. And it has. There hasn’t been anything more reassuring that the feel of his hand in mine, or the way he smiled at me. There was nothing more reassuring to me than Gerard Way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter, but I've been having a bunch of trouble writing lately. If this keeps up, then I'll have no choice but to go on a hiatus for who knows how long... Writing is something I find solace in, but it's become difficult for me.
> 
> Much love,  
> -CL


	13. Start of the Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for how short it is! I'm just glad I got something posted up finally. Totally comment and rate and all that good stuff. Much love!

Gerard and I were currently cuddling on my bed while Mikey was being the real MVP and watching the girls so we could spend time together. So far, our relationship had been going well and no matter how scared I got, I was assured each time Gerard slipped his hand into mine.

"I'm going to miss you," he said. I smiled at how soft his voice sounded. I held him much closer.

"Yeah? Well, I'm going to miss you at least twice as much!" He giggled and immediately my heart soared like I was in a fucking Korean drama.

"You're silly," he whispered softly before looking up at me with big doe eyes. My features softened.

"You're beautiful." Before he could say any more, I caught his lips in a kiss, pressing my body against his fully. He hummed into the kiss, causing my cheeks to heat up. Slowly, Gerard crawled on top of me, lightly pinning my arms above my head causing my eyes to widen in the kiss.

"This is your last night here, Frankie. Think we could... maybe do something a little intimate?" He asked shyly, a huge blush on his cheeks. My heart raced. It would be my first time with a man. What would I even do? Was I a bottom or a top? What if he hurt me or, worse, I hurt him? What if I didn't do it right or I wasn't good enough and he's disappointed? Without even realizing, my breath quickened. I saw as Gerard's eyes filled with worry.

"We don't have to have sex, okay?" He said quickly. I pulled my arms down from under him and covered my face. I should be able to do this. I want Gerard; I need him, but I just... I don't want to disappoint him. I shook my head.

"No, I-I want to," I said, taking a deep breath. He gave me a reassuring smile.

"I'm sure you do, but you're not ready, Frankie and there's nothing wrong with that," he said softly, stroking my cheek with his thumb. My heart slowed down a bit and I was happy that he'd said that.

"So then... what are we going to do?" I asked. Gerard giggled and lightly rocked his hips against mine, causing me to gasp.

"This," he answered with that goddamn smirk of his. The way he moved his body against mine was pure bliss. Eventually, I got the courage to buck my hips up into him and the way he threw his head back and let out a low moan made my breath hitch. I did it again, over and over, wanting to get that same reaction. And each time he did it, the moans grew louder.

"Fuck, Frankie," he whimpered softly, staring down at me with half lidded eyes. "I'm so close," he panted quietly. The sentence itself made me moan and buck my hips into him faster and slightly harder, wishing so badly that our clothes weren't in the way. With a loud moan, Gerard's body froze and trembled above me, his back arching and his hands gripping my shirt tightly, the sight pushing me over the edge. I let out a groan, my hips still moving up into his as I spilled into my boxers. I definitely didn't want to leave him in the morning.

When I woke up, my lower half felt gross and dried, immediately causing me to get up. I looked back over at Gerard sleeping next to me still in his pajamas before pulling the blankets over him and heading into the restroom. The shower felt amazing and I felt so squeaky clean. I have a funny habit of rubbing my arm to see if I would actually squeak when getting out of the shower. I've been doing it for as long as I could remember. It made Jamia laugh all the time. Suddenly realizing today was the day I was leaving, I quickly washed and got out of the shower. After drying myself, getting dressed and brushing my teeth, I decided that maybe it would be best if I didn't wake Gerard or the girls. It would be too hard.

I moved my things quietly downstairs and put my things by the door. I thought about grabbing a bite but I was a little too nervous and decided it would be best not to if I didn't wanna puke up a storm. My stomach is funny like that.

I went to the guest room where we'd put the girls crib in for the night so Mikey could watch over them and lightly knocked on the door. With nothing but a snore answering, I slipped into the room quietly and crept over to the crib. I stared down at Cherry and Lily's sleeping faces and my eyes instantly watered. My breath shook and my heart was squeezed. I didn't want to leave them ever. But... I had to. I could already tell this trip was going to be miserable, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I thought about picking them up but in the end, I just decided to lightly stroke their cheeks. They smiled toothless smiles in their sleep and it was the cutest sight. I quickly took a picture before the smiles went away and sent it to Jamia.

"I'll miss you, girls. Daddy will be home before you know it," I whispered softly and blew them kisses before sneaking out of the room. The guys would be here soon and I needed to make sure I got on that van and played with them for the next few months. A few moments later, I got a text saying they were here and I opened the door and waved to them before bending down to pick up my things.

"You can't leave..." Gerard mumbled, pressing himself into my back. I'd already kissed the girls goodbye for now and grabbed my duffle bag and guitar case. I frowned, turning around to face him.

"I don't want to, Gee, but... this is my career. I want you and the girls to be taken care of and this is the option for now," I explained. He shook his head furiously.

"I'll work and sell more paintings!" He argued. I sighed softly.

"Take care of the girls while I'm gone. Remember to Skype Jamia every Wednesday night and send both of us pictures of the girls every chance you get," I said, not acknowledging what he'd just said. He let out a small whimper as I walked out the door. I paused, turning around to face him. "I love you," I said, giving him a sincere smile. His eyes widened and tears sprang to his eyes. I chuckled and kept walking to the van. I put my things in there and just before we got in, he yelled something out.

"I love you, too!" I blushed and smiled back at him before getting in the van and shutting the door. I watched him the entire way down the road until I couldn't see him. He stayed at the door.


	14. I'll Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a very long chapter, sorry!

Okay, so for the past two weeks, I've been /dying/ without my girls and Gerard. We talk on the phone as often as we can, but all the traveling and playing and not having anywhere to charge my phone until the next stop is really tearing that up. Of course, Gerard is definitely being an amazing guy. He's so understanding every time we talk and is really nothing but laughs and smiles, which I'm very thankful for. If he was struggling, I don't think I could make it all the way through this tour. I've talked with Jamia probably twice and she's also very busy, so I don't have to worry as much that she's feeling alone.  
  
The guys in the band are sometimes really generous and will let me use their phone to call Gerard. It's always so wonderful to hear his smooth voice. Send shivers down my spine, honestly. But other times, they just roll their eyes and tell me to man up, which in turn makes me mad. But that's not important right now. Something happened as I was playing our show, I began to enjoy where I was at. I began losing myself in my guitar and throwing myself around just as I used to. It was scary to see that I didn't miss home as much as I used to. Even though I still missed my girls, part of me wanted to be on tour forever. To make my mark.  
  
"Gerard," I sighed on the phone.  
  
"What is it, Frankie?" He asked, worried evident in his voice. I stayed silent for a moment, not even entirely sure if I wanted to admit it but I took a deep breath and decided to just let it out.  
  
"I'm really having fun," I mumbled. "And I feel terrible because I don't miss you guys as much as I first did." I heard Gerard almost sigh in relief.  
  
"Oh, man, I thought you were going to say that you met someone while on tour," he laughed. I cracked a smile.  
  
"There's no one in the world greater to me than you." He giggled and my heart began melting all over the seat of the van, because I knew he was blushing like crazy. I missed seeing that so much.  
  
"Babe, send me a picture of yourself. I miss your face," I said, a bit of a whine in my tone.  
  
"Make it hot!" I quickly added, ignoring the raised brows sent my way from my band mates. Gerard giggled again.  
  
"Okay, hot selfie coming your way," he responded. I heard shuffling on the phone and waited impatiently for the picture to come through. As soon as I heard a 'beep' come from my phone, I was quickly looking at my messages. I clicked on Gerard's name and immediately laughed at the picture he sent me. It was a picture of him holding up a lit candle with a flirty look on his face.  
  
"Fuck, Gerard. You're something else, because that was somehow exactly what I wanted," I said after my laughing had ceased.  
  
"I'm glad I'm it for you," he chuckled. "Oh, one of the twins is crying. I gotta go, Frank. Call me when you can," he said. "I love you." I smiled softly, finding myself missing their crying once again.  
  
"I love you," I said back before hanging up and letting my head lean against the window. It was pretty late at night and we were in Illinois right now and the streets were clear, aside from a car passing our van every now and then. I felt my phone vibrate and looked down to see a new picture message from Gerard. I smiled lovingly, thinking it was of the girls, but was pleasantly surprised to see it was of him with only his boxers on. I bit my lip, wishing I was there with him right now. That fucking tease. I rolled my eyes at myself because I was the one who wanted a hot picture.  
  
 *****  
  
Every time I'm on stage, I feel like I belong. It feels right. I throw my entire body into it, all of my soul, and I'm finally complete. On stage, it's just me and the music. We're all that exists and it feels so amazing. But as soon as I walk off stage, reality hits me and I miss my family. Almost more than I can bare. I miss Cherry and Lily's cooing, their cries, even. I miss their curious eyes and toothless smiles, and I miss Gerard. I miss the squint in his eyes when he laughs and the way he throws his head back a little. I miss the shine in his hair and the way he wildly gestures when he's talking about something he's so passionate about. And then I don't want to be on tour. And then I'm on the stage again, and I feel better. It's an endless cycle, it seems.  
  
Gerard messages me more now, even when I don't answer. Sometimes, I can't and others times I just don't want to. It hurts too much to talk to him, but every time he sends me a picture of the girls, I want to cry because I'm missing them growing up. I know I won't  
be gone for years, but it's long enough that maybe they won't even remember my face. I hate to think about that. But it runs through my mind at least once a day.  
  
"You'll be okay, Frankie. The girls cry a little more," Gerard told me one time.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.  
  
"I didn't want you to worry, but it seems they really do miss you. I show them pictures of you and they giggle." I smile and instantly feel better. I think I'll be okay.  
  
"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry it's been way too long, but I had no motivation for any writing. Hopefully it will start to come back soon, because I'm nothing without my writing. Please leave comments and let me know how you did or didn't like this chapter. Thank you!
> 
> Much love,  
> -CL


	15. Friendship

It has officially been a month and I’m doing a lot better. I’m playing shows like I used to. I’m just as energetic as I used to when I was a teenager. My bandmates’ moods all seem to be getting better, too. We’re not fighting as much and it’s a reassuring thing; it also means that we may tour with Taking Back Sunday after all.

 

“Hey, Frank! Wanna go grab a drink?” My new friend Lindsey asked. I met her a couple of shows ago. She had almost as many tattoos as I did and she was an amazing bass player. I smiled at her and got up from my spot in the van. We had been parked in a rest stop to just hang out with other people playing in the same venues. I’d been texted Gerard for a bit, telling him to look at the tour’s Facebook page, but was now sending him a message to tell him that I was going to be going out with a friend.

 

“Sure, but you’re buying because I already used my last quarters,” I said. She rolled her eyes fondly and pulled me along. Lindsey, I came to realize, was a person who liked to touched. It caught me off guard when she hugged me and kissed my cheek the first time we met, but it’s something I’m used to now. 

 

“Okay, but next time we’re paid, I expect you to roll out the red carpet,” she said, putting quarters into the soda machine and pressing the buttons on our favorite sodas. 

 

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll go to a Wal Mart and get you animal crackers, you fucking weirdo,” I chuckled. She had this weird obsession with the snack. She scoffed.

 

“First off, they’re amazing. Secondly, fuck you,” she tried saying with a straight face, but cracking towards the end and laughing, causing me to laugh as well.

 

“You’re going to end up hating them from eating them so much.” She looked at me incredulously.

 

“Do you know who you’re even talking to? I’m Lindsey fucking Ballato!” She exclaimed as she grabbed our sodas and handed me mine. I snorted. “That was attractive,” she teased upon hearing the sound.

 

“Shut up,” I laughed. “You were saying it like you were Keith Moon or something!” She looked confused for a moment before her eyes lighting up in recognition. 

 

“Fuck you!” She said, punching me in the arm. I rubbed the spot she hit and grabbed her hand to pull her to a picnic table so we could sit down. My ass may have been numb from the position I was sitting in the bus, but that wasn’t going to stop me from sitting down again. We sat down  across from each other. “So, Frank,” she started.

 

I laughed. “So Lindsey,” I replied, opening my soda.

 

“So, like, if this band stuff doesn’t work out, what are you going to do? Not that you guys aren’t good, it’s just… well, not everyone can make it,” she explained, looking down at her hands which were clasped around the unopened soda can. I tilted my head a little bit.

 

“Is there something on your mind?” I asked softly, my parental instincts kicking in. She shrugged.

 

“I guess I just don’t feel all that confident in my playing. I literally learned how to play bass last year just to be in this band,” she explained with a small chuckle. I smiled.

 

“Well, I say if you had that much motivation, then you should keep trying. And never stop trying,” I said. She looked up at me and instantly smiled.

 

“Yeah! You’re totally right! How could I not realize that?” She laughed, finally opening her soda and taking a good chug before hissing at the burn of her throat. “Thank you, Frank,” she said.I nodded at her.

 

“Anytime. So are you excited for the next show? It’s gonna be the biggest so far,” I said, my heart racing a little at the thought. She nodded excitedly, taking another drink.

 

“Fuck yeah! It’s gonna be awesome! I’m working on this new stage move and I’m excited for everyone to see!” She said, slightly bouncing in my seat. I chuckled.

 

“Can I see?” I asked. She huffed.

 

“No, it’s a surprise!” She said, sticking her tongue out. Looking at her tongue, I noticed some of her lipstick was smeared.

 

“Wait, hold still,” I said, reaching over and wiping the excess off. It was a stubborn minute until it finally came off. “It was a little smeared,” I explained. She laughed and thanked me.

 

“Hey! Frank! We’re getting ready to go!” My bandmate called out just as I’d taken another drink. I waved to him to let him know I was coming before getting up and tossing the can in the bin next to the table.

 

“I’ll see you at the venue,” I said to Lindsey. She stood up and immediately jumped into my arms, turning her head to kiss my cheek as I hugged her back. I laughed and we pulled apart. “I’ll see you, Linz!” I said as I walked away.

 

“Hey, that’s a good nickname,” she said, waving to me with a thoughtful look on her face.

 

My bandmates and I got into the van and drove off to our destination four hours away. I put in my earphones and laid my head against the window as I drifted off to my happy place.

 

*

 

I exited the stage extremely sweaty and filled with adrenaline. I was ready to go run a few miles.

 

“Frank, that was fucking awesome!” Lindsey said as she threw herself into my arms and hugged me tightly despite being soaked in sweat.

 

“Thanks, Linds!” i said, hugging her back just as tightly. “You’re up next, and I’m seriously excited to see that move you were talking about!” I said, basically pushing her towards the stage.

 

“Hey! Okay, I’m going! Jeez, impatient ass,” she giggled, moving away and onto the stage to help her bandmates set up. I grabbed a towel and started drying off my hair and face. It was a few minutes before one of their songs started playing and I immediately rushed to watch Lindsey with an unwavering gaze. I didn’t want to miss whatever move she had told me about. I was so proud of her, even having just met her. She seemed like she had some self esteem issues, but the fact that she didn’t let that stop her was admirable. She was actually becoming an inspiration to me, and I found that making me content. 

 

I snapped to when I heard screams and cheers, and focused back on Lindsey to see her back bending until her head was almost touching the floor. I immediately cheered and watched in awe as she kept playing without missing a single note. After a while, she was right side up and still thrashing around the stage just as much as me.

 

God, she was fucking awesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! Hope y'all enjoy it. Comment and let me know what you think, if you'd like!
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL


	16. Last Show

I’d been texting Gerard for the past few days, but he’s only responded with pictures of the kids and while that’s amazing… he hasn’t been talking with me. Like he’s mad or something but I don’t know about what since he’s not talking. I’m borderline pissed.

‘Hey, babe is everything okay? It seems like you’re mad at me??’ And I pressed send. It was, like, the twentieth message I’ve sent his ass and if responds with only a picture and no text, I’m gonna lose my shit. We were currently heading to our next venue and the furthest show we were going to play before heading back on the long drive home. A few minutes later and I received a message back. It was a picture of Mikey holding the girls and smiling down big at them. Again, there was no text. I sighed and pressed call. I was on my last 15% and I wanted to save it but I was really starting to get worried. It rang a few times before a tired voice answered.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” I immediately asked. The hum of the van was a little loud so I had to cover my other ear to hear properly and speak a little louder. Gerard sighed.

“It’s nothing, whatever,” he answered. I actually rolled my eyes.

“No, there’s something wrong and I want to know what. If something is upsetting you, I want to help.” Gerard scoffed.

“Yeah? You want to help? Well, you’re the problem in the first fucking place!” He basically yelled. Immediately, I felt my face get red.

“Watch your language in front of my girls,” I said sternly. Gerard sighed.

“They’re in the other room, Frank. You think I would actually speak that way in front of kids?” He said, his voice still raised.

“Just tell me what’s wrong? That’s all I want to know!” I said. Gerard was silent for a long moment.

“Why don’t you go on social media, you asshole,” he said through what seemed like clenched teeth. I raised my brow.

“What does that even me-” I was cut off when my phone beeped in my ear. I looked at it and saw that it was about to die. “Look, my phone is about to die. I’m a few hours away from our next stop. I’ll charge my phone and call you then so we can straighten out this situation, okay? I don’t like the idea of you being upset, especially with me,” I said.

“Fuck you,” was all he said before hanging up. I looked at my phone with my mouth hanging open. Did he just fucking say that to me? I tossed my phone down on the seat next to me and looked out the window with a scowl on my face. I don’t know what his fucking problem is, but his shitty attitude needs to change right fucking now.

  
*

By the time we got to the venue I was in a shittier mood than before. I had a few hours to let everything brew in my head, but I did my best to contain it. I got out of the van and helped upload all of our equipment so we’d be prepared when it was time for us to get on the stage and set up.

“Hey, Frank,” Lindsey said, wrapping her arms around my waist from behind. I sighed and leaned back against her.

“Hey…” I said, my voice obviously dejected. “Ready for our last show?” I asked. I felt her nod against me.

“Dude, I’m gonna miss you whenever we go back to our hometowns.” I nodded.

“Yeah. I’m gonna miss you, too. But we’ll keep in contact and, like, text as often as possible! You’ve really become one of my best friends!” I said, turning around to face her and hug her tightly.

“I just realized we didn’t have each other’s numbers,” she giggled. I smiled and took her phone from her front pocket. I smiled bigger at the fact that the action didn’t even faze her. I hadn’t been this comfortable around a woman since Jamia. It was refreshing.

“Mine is charging so I’ll just put my number in here and you can text me some random shit as much as you want,” I said, typing in my number and handing the phone back to her. She looked down at her phone and looked at the number before her eyes lit up and she laughed.

“Big Daddy Frankie?” She asked, referring to what I put myself under. I winked at her.

“You know it, baby. Anyways, you’re up first. Go get ready and I’ll be here when you get back,” I said. She pocketed her phone and nodded before walking on the small stage to help her band set up. I leaned against the wall and watched her for a few minutes before looking up at the ceiling and thinking of Gerard. I didn’t understand why he was so angry and what his statement about social media even meant. Like what did that have to do with anything? I sighed, obviously confusing and frustrated. I just wanted to go home to my family. Touring was no longer fun with I was needed at home. I just hope Gerard doesn’t stay mad at me and maybe even leave. I took a lot of risks with dating him, because of my girls. I don’t.. I don’t want them to get used to Gerard if he was just going to leave. I rolled my eyes at myself. No, it’s actually that I don’t want to fall completely in love with him, just for him to leave. I couldn’t stand the idea of my life without Gerard now. There was a new pain in my chest now, and I knew it wouldn’t go away until I could have Gerard smiling at me again.

  
*

After Lindsey played her show, it was us next followed by three other bands. I was still charging my phone as I did my best to thrash around the stage as enthusiastically as I did at the last show. I could hear girls screaming my name and the thought of having a few fans was enough to make me smile a little. We played quite a bit of songs and by the end of our set, I was laying on the stage and staring up at the ceiling as I played my guitar. I felt so exhausted, but my growing hair covered my face and I was happy to have that shield.

“Frank! You guys were awesome as always!” Lindsey said, hugging me tightly as she did all the time now. I took solace in her hugs, grateful to have someone to hold onto right now. “Are you okay?” She asked when she pulled away and noticed something off. I nodded.

“Oh yeah, just definitely tired,” I said, putting my guitar up and closing its case. “I can’t wait to get home to my bed.”

“I feel ya, man! My bed has been spamming my phone,” she said seriously, but the statement just made me laugh. It was as if I just heard the greatest joke ever told because I was laughing and my face was red and I couldn’t breath. After finally catching my breath, I smiled up at Lindsey.

“Thanks. I needed that.” She nodded.

“Anytime, Big Daddy Frankie. So, where’s your hometown?” She asked.

“Belleville. You?” I asked. Her eyes lit up. “No way! I’m in Newark!”

“Dude, you should come home with me and we can hang out and you can meet my family and shit!” I said happily. She nodded excitedly.

“Sure! Maybe I can ride back with you?” She asked.

“I’m sure the band wouldn’t mind. I sit in the back all by myself. But you’ll have to deal with me laying down and putting my legs on you,” I warned her, smiling warmly at her. She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t give a shit about that. I’m excited to hang out with you afterwards, Frank,” she said, smiling happily. I hugged her tightly.

“Me too,” I said, genuinely excited to have found a good friend. I just know the girls and Gerard would love her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry for the short chapter but I figured y’all wouldn’t mind a shorter chapter for a faster update. I wanna thank y’all for the kudos and subscribers I now have on this story. I think it’s really amazing. I really enjoy writing this one and I am sad to say that it might be coming to an end soon. But fear not! If that certainly is the case, there will be a sequel. If anyone is interested in that! Comment and let me know. That’d be pretty awesome!


	17. Misunderstanding

“You’re going to absolutely love my family!” I said as we grabbed our instruments off the van. Lindsey nodded.

“I’m sure I will,” she said, then turned to the guys in the van, “Thank you so much for the ride. You guys are awesome!” She laughed.

“Hey, you’re pretty cool! Let’s get together before you go back to Newark!” One of the guys said. She nodded and then we waved bye before walking to the door.

“So, tell me about your family,” she said.

“Well, my daughters are almost a year old. They’re twins. Named Cherry and Lily and are just the cutest ever!” She was silent for a while.

“Kids? I didn’t know you had kids,” she said, pausing in her step. I nodded. Unfortunately, before I had the chance to talk to Gerard, I ran out of minutes so I sent him a small message from one of my band mates phones and explained. But he never answered. I just know he’s going to love Lindsey.

“Yes. You’re going to just fall in love with them, and my boyfriend Gerard is just as amazing,” I said, blushing softly.

“You have… a boyfriend?” She asked, at that moment Gerard opened the door.

“Glad to see you’re home,” he said, voice holding no emotion. I smiled happily at him and ran up to hug him tightly, but he held his arm out to stop me. He looked back at Lindsey. “What was the question you asked?”

She looked kind of uncomfortable for a moment. “I asked if he bad a boyfriend,” she answered. Gerard locked eyes with my confused ones.

“So she didn’t know she was helping you cheat on me?” He said. I took a step back.

“Wait. Whoa. What?” I stammered. “Cheat on you? I would never!” I defended myself. Gerard scoffed.

“Well, you have. Didn’t you ever check social media like I told you?” I shook my head.

“My phone doesn’t have that kind of connection Gerard. What are you talking about?” I asked. Gerard didn’t answer, but instead walked away into the house.

“The twins are asleep in my room. I’ll be in there with him. Packing,” He said, the words causing my heart to stop. “You’re back from tour and brought someone back with you. Obviously, I’m no longer needed.” Then he walked up the stairs. I couldn’t find the strength to move and to stop him. I turned to Lindsey.

“I didn’t realize he’d get the wrong idea…” I said, my eyes tearing up. She gave me an apologetic smile.

“Maybe I should go talk to him?” She offered. I shook my head.

“No. I think we should do it together,” I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her up the stairs and into Gerard’s room, letting go of her hand as I gently knocked on the door. After a few moments it opened up.

“What?” He asked curtly. I sighed.

“Come out here. Let’s talk. It’s all a big misunderstanding,” I said. He glared at me, but eventually came out and closed the door behind him. We walked down into the kitchen and I put a pot of coffee on while we sat and talked.

“What do you mean by checking social media?” Lindsey asked Gerard. He glared at her and it was obvious he didn’t like her. If my relationship wasn’t in complete jeopardy, I would’ve thought his jealousy was cute. He pulled out his phone and tapped a few buttons, before sliding the phone towards her. She swiped her finger a couple of times before sliding it to me. My eyes widened. They were pictures of me and Lindsey sitting at the rest stop bench. One was of me leaning over towards her and the other was of us hugging, her head a little turned which made it look like we were kissing.

I chuckled softly, as did Lindsey. “Oh, Gee, baby, just no,” I said softly. I showed him the first picture. “Right here, I was leaning over and fixing her smeared makeup and it was being super stubborn. On the second one, we were hugging and Linds kissed my cheek. As she does with every single one of her friends,” I explained, seeing Lindsey nod in my peripheral. Gerard’s stare was still hard, and he leaned over to click out of the pictures.

“What about the text, then?” He asked, pointing to the post. I read it.

‘Looks like love is blooming on tour! Frank and Lindsey are inseparable!’

I rolled my eyes. “My fucking band mates did that. Frank and I are only friends and nothing more, Gerard. I can assure you that I’m not that easy and Frank is not that kind of man. He’d definitely think about his daughters first, before starting any kind of relationship,” Lindsey said, backing me up. I gave her a thankful smile before turning back to Gerard.

“Gerard, I would never cheat on you. I love you. I want you to be with me and the girls forever,” I said, blushing. Finally, Gerard’s cold demeanor broke and tears spilled from his eyes, sobbing softly.

“Frankie,” He croaked out. Instantly, I was at his side, holding him tightly and kissing his head. “I-I thought you were cheating on me! I thought you found someone better and was going to leave me. And you did! She’s beautiful!” He sniffled. Lindsey blushed and looked the other way so as to not disturb our small moment. I shushed him softly and gave his head kisses, moving lower and lower until I was kissing him deeply. He hummed into the kiss and immediately wrapped his arms around my neck.

After pulling away, I looked into his eyes. “I missed you so fucking much. Please, don’t leave me,” I said, my voice low and desperate. Gerard shook his head.

“It’s you, me, and the girls forever,” he promised, hugging me tightly. I took in his scent and my eyes watered. I’d missed it more than I was letting myself believe. But, more than that, I was missing my girls and I couldn’t wait to see them. I sat down and pulled him onto my lap. He looked up at Lindsey shyly and waved at her. “I-I’m sorry for my behavior. Please accept my apology,” he said.

She waved at him dismissively. “No need to apologize, man. I understand. You were just protecting your relationship, and I’ve been there before,” she said. Then she reached over and put her hand over his. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Gerard. I’m Lindsey.” Gerard smiled and grabbed her hand back. “And you’re beautiful, too,” she giggled.

“I told you y’all would get along,” I said to her. She nodded.

“He’s so cute. I just wanna hold him,” she cooed. I raised my brow at her.

“No stealing my boyfriend,” I said playfully.

“We’ll see about that. He and I are totally becoming best friends.” I smiled because I knew that was true. Lindsey just had that effect on you. I didn’t mind it. I’m sure Gerard wanted a new friend.


	18. My Babies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has only been posted here and on Wattpad. I will post on MCRff when I get to my laptop. Y’all enjoy! :))

“I’m gonna go see the girls,” I whispered in Gerard’s ear as he was talking to Lindsey about some new show on television that I couldn’t be bothered with. He nodded and Lindsey smiled to me as I got up from the couch we’d moved to and headed upstairs to Gerard’s room. My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn’t even explain why I was so nervous, but I was.

Have they grown? Could they make more sounds? Could they hold their heads up on their own now? Could they hold their own bottle?

I sucked in a breath as I opened the door to Gerard’s room and slowly walked up to the crib at the foot of the unmade bed. I hesitated for a moment before just walking up closer and peering down at them. I gasped softly at their small sleeping faces. My eyes watered and before I knew it, I was covering my mouth as the tears fell.

“My babies,” I said, reaching down with my other hand to stroke their cheeks. Almost instantly, their eyes open. We stared at each other for a moment before they giggled at the same time and reached up at me. I sobbed more openly. “I missed you both so much.” I carefully and quickly picked them up and held them against my chest tightly. What surprised me the most is when their fists gripped my shirt so tightly. I knew they would grow up to be so strong. But I never wanted them to grow up. I wanted them to be my babies forever.

I took them downstairs after a minute of composing myself and took my seat back down next to Gerard. Lindsey gasped.

“Oh, my God, they’re so cute!” She all but squealed. I chuckled.

“Aren’t they? They take after their mother,” I said proudly. Speaking of their mother, I needed to call Jamia soon.

“Can I hold them?” Lindsey asked shyly. I nodded and looked to Gerard. I was so tired and I don’t think I had it in me to even get up from this couch. He understood what look I was giving him and grabbed ahold of Lily, the twin closest to him before getting up off the couch and handing her carefully to Lindsey. Lily immediately began crying, making me feel a little bit for Lindsey because she looked like she was panicking. Gerard shushed her softly until her cries became small little hiccups.

“Don’t worry. It’s not you. She just missed Frank,” he assured Lindsey. She gave me an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry. They missed you and here I am, taking one away,” I shook my head at her.

“Don’t be sorry. I have all the time in the world with them. I’ve decided they’re never growing up,” I said. They both gave me a smirk,

“Is that so?” Gerard asked. I nodded.

“Fuck yes, I’m sure.” Then I caught myself. “I mean fudge. Daddy said fudge, girls,” I said, looking between the two of them. Cherry was already back asleep in my arms and Lily was staring at Gerard. She knew him, and I hoped one day they would call him dad.

Gerard laughed. “And who was scolding who on the phone the other day?” He teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Well, you’re the one who tore me a new one,” I pouted, looking the other way. I could practically feel the eye roll he was doing.

“Awww, don’t be mad, Frankie. I’ll make it up to you tonight,” he said with a wink, knowing that would make me blush. Lindsey giggled.

“Aw, you two are gonna bump uglies tonight! How cute!” She said, fondness in her voice. I gave her the finger after making sure Lily was still looking at Gerard. “Would you prefer the term ‘fiddle bits’, because I know I would?” She suggested. I snorted.

“Because you’re a weirdo, you prefer that.” Gerard tilted his head.

“Actually, I would, too.”

“Oh, okay, baby. Then that’s what we’ll call it. You’re so cute!” I cooed at him. Lindsey scoffed.

“What the eff-hole! I say it and I’m weird, but he says it and it’s cute? You’re a monster, Frank Iero,” she huffed. I rolled my eyes.

“Fine, you big baby,” I said. “Wittle Windsey is adowable for saying fiddawing bits!” She gave me the finger.

“Fuck you,” she whispered at me, aware of the girls.

“Um, no. That’s my privilege,” Gerard piped in. I snickered.

“Aw, thanks, honey. Come gimme a kiss?” I asked. He sat back down next to me and pulled me in for a brief but loving kiss. I would literally never tire of kissing Gerard Way. “Oh, where’s Mikey?” I asked. “Did he go back to school?”

“No. He’s visiting my mom, but he should be back in a bit. He’ll be happy to see you,” he said. I nodded and slowly began feeling my eyes get heavy. “Do you want to go take a nap?” He asked. I shook my head hard to wake myself up.

“No, no, baby. You deserve a break. Thank you so much for watching the girls while I was gone. If you’d like, why don’t you go visit your mom, too?” Gerard smiled.

“Frank, you look like shit. Go take a nap. I can visit her tomorrow,” he said. I smiled at him.

“You’re so good to me. And the girls will probably sleep, right?” I asked. Gerard nodded. “Then, please, can you nap with me? It’s only noon. I’ll make us dinner later. Lindsey, you’re probably sleepy, too, so I can set up another room for you to sleep.” She nodded, looking tired as well. I have a house too big, but Jamia and I bought this place together, and for now, she’s the one paying a majority of the bills. But my savings come in handy with all the utilities and groceries and things for the girls, so I do that. One day, I’ll make enough money to help Jamia, because I know it’s hard for her too. She really is my best friend. I love her to death.

I handed Cherry over to Gerard. “I’ll be back, okay?” He nodded and I went upstairs to get Lindsey’s room ready. I had one more guest room and it was next door to Mikey’s. I grabbed some extra blankets and a couple pillows from the hallway closet and took them to the room. I put them on the bed and stared at it for a moment because I just wanted to drop right then and there, but I made my way back downstairs with a struggle. I was sluggish.

“Okay. Room ready.” Shit, my voice is doing that slurring thing it does. Gerard gave me a fond smile as I reached down to take Lily from Lindsey’s arms. I led her up to the room and showed her where the bathroom was on the way before telling her night and walking back to Gerard’s room, where the crib currently was. Gerard was already there about to set Cherry down.

“We’ll nap in here, okay? We’ll just move the crib back to your room later tonight,” he said. I nodded, definitely not going to argue and set Lily down next to Cherry. I blew them kisses as Lily’s eyes started to fall.

“Night, babies,” I said before moving back to Gerard’s bed and falling onto the mattress with what I can only guess was about as graceful as a three year old. I heard Gerard giggle as I pushed off all of my clothes, leaving my boxers on and then settling my head against one of the pillows. Gerard took off his shirt and changed into sweats before laying down.

Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him and swung a leg over his.

“Why don’t you just tape yourself to me?” He teased. I hummed.

“That sounds like a good idea,” I slurred, seriously considering it.

“Yeah,” he responded just as I was drifting off. “That sounds like something you would do.”

I chuckled.


	19. Love

“Lindsey, what did I tell you about trying to steal my boyfriend?” I said, brow raised and hands on my hips. She was currently getting into a cab to go on her way home, even though I offered to drive her, and was now trying to convince Gerard to go with her. For a moment, it looked like he was actually gonna go.

 

Lindsey backed up with her hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine, fine. You’re just jealous because he likes me more,” she said smugly. I scoffed.

 

“You’re not the one sucking his dick and vice versa,” I pointed out.

 

She sighed. “Good point. If you guys were straight,” she said sadly. Gerard giggled.

 

“Actually, I’m bi,” he admitted. I huffed at him.

 

“Fine! Go with her then!” I said playfully, although I was a little offended before giving him the finger and starting to walk away. I heard Gerard giggle more and then tell Lindsey bye before I felt myself falling to the ground. He tackled me down.

 

“No! I  _ love _ you!” He laughed happily. I chuckled and turned around so he was on top of me properly and kissed his forehead. “Does that mean you forgive me?” He asked, giving me puppy dog eyes. I nodded.

 

“I could never be mad at you for too long,” I admitted with a sigh. “So what do you want to do today?” I asked. He shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Let’s just watch a movie and cuddle. You know, that typical shit,” he answered. I chuckled at his words and helped him up.

 

“Sounds great. Are you sure Mikey doesn’t mind watching the girls at your place tonight?” I asked, partially really worried because I’ll be away from them and because I didn’t know if their dad was around. 

 

Gerard somehow saw right through me and gave me a reassuring smile. “He doesn’t mind at all, and my dad is staying overnight at his job. Don’t worry.” He took my hand and led me inside the house. We stood their kissing against the front door for a solid minute before pulling away. 

 

“Let’s pick a movie,” I said. Once he turned away to look through the collection, I fixed my growing hard on to where it was less noticeable. I don’t think I was quite ready to be  _ that _ intimate yet. Gerard has been super understanding. We normally stuck to giving each other head and I’ve fingered him once. The look on his face was almost enough for me to forget my fears, but I just couldn’t get over that wall. 

 

“How about The Wizard of Oz?” He asked, holding the DVD case up at me with a twinkle in his eye. 

 

“God, I really fucking love you. Hell yes, put that movie on,” I said. Gerard giggled.

 

“I take it you like the movie then?” He asked, getting the player and station set up. I nodded.

 

“Favorite. Movie.  _ Ever _ .” 

 

“Noted,” he responded. He set the case aside and plopped down right on my lap, catching me by surprise. “Ah, the best seat in the house,” he hummed. I raised my brow at him.

 

“Well, it’s all yours! Unless the girls are on my lap, because I love you, baby, but, well,  _ babies _ ,” I chuckled. He smiled happily and leaned against my chest, making himself comfortable and unknowingly pressing against my no no spot, which was what I was trying to avoid this whole time. He turned to looked at me with a raised brow.

 

“Somebody’s happy,” he giggled, causing my face to heat up.

 

“Shut up,” I muttered, trying to focus hard as Dorothy ran home to tell Aunt Em and Uncle Henry that Miss Gulch was coming to get Toto. Ugh, I hated that fucking witch. Like, who the fuck steals a dog and then lights Scarecrow on fire? I’ll tell who; that fucking bitch.

 

“Aww, come on! It’s super cute!” He cooed. I shot him a look.

 

“Cute? How the hell can you call a  _ boner _ cute? Are you, like… calling it  _ small _ cute?” I asked hesitantly, really really feeling the embarrassment now. I watched as his widened and he immediately began shaking his head. 

 

“No, no,  _ no _ , baby. I’m sorry; it was a wrong choice of words. I’m sorry, Frankie! I-I mean, I’ve been on top of you, and-and we did stuff the night before you left and I totally felt it and it was a good size!” He said quickly, stumbling over his words. His nervousness made me laugh.

 

“I-I’m sorry, Gee. I’m okay. It’s okay,” I assured him, rubbing his sides. He gave me a look of uncertainty, but eventually nodded. 

 

“Okay… If you’re sure,” he said softly before leaning up to peck my lips. I held him there for a moment by the back of his neck before letting him go and then kissing both of his cheeks. He giggled softly, blushing softly. God, Gerard Way had to be simultaneously both the hottest person ever, and the cutest person ever. I didn’t even think that was an actual thing. But meet Gerard Way, everybody!

 

“I love you,” I said with a smile. My heart swelled with warmth and love for the person I was holding. God, I really am gay. And I fucking love it. 

 

“I love you, too,” he quickly responded. “Look, the first song is coming on!” He said, turning back to the screen and pointing at it. Sure enough, Dorothy was looking at the crepuscular ray, which was just beautiful and closed my eyes to listen to her sing.

 

“When I’m on my deathbed,” I said softly as Judy Garland continued singing, “I want to close my eyes listening to this song.” I’d never told anyone that piece of useless information, but I wanted Gerard to know. I wanted him to know everything about me, just as I wanted to know everything about him.

 

Gerard looked up at me with a tiny smile. “Yeah? Then I’ll play it for you when we’re dying together,” he said. My eyes widened slightly.

 

“What are you talking about?” I asked. Gerard’s smile only grew.

 

“There’s no way I’m living without you. So, I’ve decided we’ll leave together,” he responded. I could only hug him as tightly as I could. 

 

“It’s us forever,” I whispered against his shoulder, placing a kiss there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think! <3
> 
> Much love,   
> -CL


	20. Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize this was the last chapter until I wrote it. It feels right. I have ideas for a part two, but it all depends on what y'all want. Let me know! It was such a wonderful experience writing this and I'm so glad this idea came to me what feels like forever ago. I've grown with my characters and even though this is only twenty chapters, I hope y'all've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comment and rate. I'd really appreciate it.
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL

Later that night, he and I were cuddling in bed, kissing pretty heatedly. It was awesome. Until he started pressing his growing hard-on against my leg. I pulled away from the kiss.

 

“Gerard, I-” I began.

 

“Don’t you think… we could maybe go a little further tonight?” He asked, his cheeks red. I felt my heart speed up. I felt my ears ringing. 

 

“What if I hurt you?” I asked nervously.

 

“You won’t hurt me. I’ll tell you how to do it,” he assured me. I thought for a moment before shaking my head.

 

“I-I’m sorry, Gee, but I don’t feel ready,” I admitted, feeling ashamed and like I’m not good enough for him. He looked a little disappointed. “I’m really sorry. I ruined the moment, didn’t I?” I asked.

 

“No. No, don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t be trying to pressure you. I’m just thinking with my dick and that’s not fair. Here, let’s just watch a movie, yeah? How about a rom-com?” He asked, smiling and trying to make me feel better. I still felt bad, but I did my best to smile because he was trying so hard. I guess I just felt guilty because I got him so worked up and didn’t deliver. I felt his hand on my chest and I zoned back in. “Don’t feel bad, Frank. It’s not your fault. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. I would  _ never _ force or guilt you into anything. You’re allowed to feel how you’re feeling; it’s not a bad thing.”

 

I felt better once he said that. I hugged him tightly and breathed in his scent. “You’re so good to me. I love you,” I said softly, kissing his shoulder. He chuckled, holding me tightly.

 

“I love you, too, honey. Now, let’s cuddle and watch another movie before bed,” he said. We settled together perfectly. He had his head on my chest while I leaned against the headboard with my arm wrapped around him. I wasn’t sure what he put on, but Elvis Presley was using a walker and I was digging it so far.

 

“I don’t know what the fuck we’re watching, but I love it,” I said after a while.

 

“We’re watching Bubba Ho-tep,” he said, giggling a little. I held him closer and often kissed his head throughout the movie.

 

Once Gerard had fallen asleep, I laid in bed thinking about when I was going to be ready to take that next step with Gerard. I thought back to my first time with Jamia and it had been very awkward but it was easier with her. With a man, in my little experiences (and amateur porn), there was a lot of preparations that went into it. While I was okay with doing all of that with Gerard, what if I didn’t do it enough or too much and it turned him off? What if I couldn’t find that spot that made him feel good? What if I came too fast and he was disappointed? With Jamia, I was definitely Don Juan, but with Gerard, I’m just a young teenager who’s barely had his first kiss. I sighed. I needed to stop comparing my relationship with Gerard to my relationship with Jamia. 

 

I sat up carefully, not wanting to wake up Gerard. I grabbed my phone and headed into the living room. I dialed Jamia and waited on the line. I knew talking to her would make me feel better. She was still my best friend, but I saw Gerard creeping up into that spot more and more each day. 

 

“ _ Hello? _ ” She answered. She always sounded tired nowadays.

 

“Hey,” I said. “I need to talk to someone.”

 

“ _ Is something going on? _ ” She asked. I heard some clutter on the other side and knew she was stopping whatever she was doing to focus on our conversation. I really loved her.

 

“It’s gonna sound weird, but you’re my best friend,” I said, pausing for a moment. “I want to make love to him, but I’m… I’m  _ scared _ …” I confessed. She hummed.

 

“ _ I see. What exactly are you afraid of? Hurting him or something? _ ”

 

I nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“ _ Well, look at it this way: He will let you know what feels good and comfortable or will show you how to do it. Gerard trusts you enough to want to do that with you, and it sure seems like you want to _ ,” she explained. “ _ So look at it that way. He will let you know how to do it and practice makes perfect. _ ” She giggled and I laughed.

 

“Oh, man. I love you so much, Jam.” I really meant it. She’d always been my best friend and I know she always will be.

 

“ _ I love you, too, Frank. Now, go to bed. Get some sleep. Text me if you have any other problems you need help with. _ ”

 

“Yeah. I’ll text you. Good night.” Then we hung up and I stood, getting a glass of water to drink before going to bed.

 

“Hey,” Gerard said, suddenly popping up from out of nowhere. I jumped a little, almost choking on my water.

 

“Hey,” I said back, coughing a little. I gave him a smile. “What are you doing up, baby?” 

 

He shrugged before turning to me. “Frank, do you… do you ever think you’ll get back together with Jamia?” He asked, looking off to the side self-consciously. 

 

“Why are you asking that?” I moved closer. “I’m not in love with her, Gee. I love her, but not in the way I love you,” I explained, wrapping my arms around his waist.

 

“I just… I heard you on the phone with her just now and you sounded so loving when you told her you loved her. Like it sounded romantic. And I’m not mad, I’m just wanting to know if this relationship is a dead end.” My heart felt like it stopped.

 

“She was helping me with a problem I had,” I said softly. “And I wish you’d worded that less harshly.” I let my arms fall from him and put my cup away. 

 

“Wait, Frank-” I shook my head and went back to the room. I suddenly wished the girls were here so I had some distractions. I could give my love to the ones who wanted it.

 

“Frank, please, you know that’s not how I meant it,” Gerard said after coming into the room seconds after me.

 

I turned to face him, sighing, “but that’s what you said. I  _ love _ you. I love  _ you _ . I divorced Jamia before I met you, Gerard. I wouldn’t have started another relationship if I wasn’t sure about that relationship,” I explained. “I do love Jamia, but because we’ve been friends all our lives and we have two beautiful girls together. We were friends before we were ever the relationship.” I sat on the bed and then laid down with my back to him. “I wish you’d believe me when I said that.”

  
  


****

 

A few days went by without many words being spoken between us. I took care of the girls, cooked dinner, and Gerard cleaned and went out to get groceries. I only talked to him when I asked what he wanted to eat and he tried starting conversations, but I didn’t know what to say to him.

 

The girls were taking a nap and I was sitting in the living room reading a book while drinking some iced tea. It was a good book. The Wizard Of Oz. 

 

“Frank,” I heard from the top of the stairs. I looked up briefly.

 

“Is something the matter?” I asked, pretending to read the book. I couldn’t concentrate. 

 

“ _ Talk to me _ ,” he said, walking down the stairs. I sighed and put my book up.

 

“What’s there to talk about Gerard?”

 

“Are we… going to break up?” He asked, his voice small. He sat down on the couch across from me. I looked at him with sad eyes.

 

“If you see this relationship as a dead end, then I don’t see any other outcome,” I said honestly. I heard him gasp and then his eyes watered. My heart broke, but I couldn’t do anything to comfort him. I was just as hurt.

 

“I-I called Jamia,” he said. “I told her what I was worried about and she actually laughed for a few moments before telling me that it was literally the  _ worst _ conclusion to come to.” I felt my lips twitch up at the thought of Jamia actually laughing at him. “Then she told me why you called her. I feel like an ass.”

 

“Yeah. You were kind of being one,” I agreed. He gave me an apologetic smile.

 

“Frank, I wasn’t going to let you go into making love blind. I was going to reassure you every step of the way and let you know when you’re doing something good.”

 

“I was scared to voice it, so I called her because she’d always helped me with problems as I had with her,” I explained. Gerard sighed.

 

“But that’s kind of the problem. I understand that, I really do. But you and I are the ones in the relationship.  _ We’re _ the ones that need to talk.”

 

I nodded. “I-I know, but I was scared that maybe you’d change your mind about the whole thing. I really love you, Gerard, and I don’t want to lose you. I never want to lose you,” I said, tears coming to my eyes. Before Gerard, I’d never expressed my feelings so openly, but now I can’t control them.

 

“I love you just as much, Frank. From now on, we need to  _ talk _ . We can’t just… not. I miss you. I miss you so much.” I got up from my seat and made my way over to him. I pulled him into a tight hug and it felt like I had just taken a breath of fresh air. My chest didn’t hurt as much and my headache was going away. I just needed Gerard. Gerard was my cure. 

 

He hugged me back just as tight and clung to me, sniffling against my chest. I pulled back a little and tilted his head up. I leaned in and connected our lips. Gerard wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me in closer. 

 

“Missed you so much,” he said against my lips.

 

“God, Gee, I missed you, too,” I said before slipping my tongue into his mouth and kissing him all the deeper. Before I could even register what was happening, we were laying on the couch, grinding our hips together a little, our members rubbing against each other. The moans he was letting out into my mouth made me grind down harder. I wanted to please him.

 

“Frank, please,” he panted, pulling from the kiss and giving me a pleading look. I thought about it for a moment, and slowly nodded. He looked relieved as I picked him up and carried him to my room. Thankfully, the girls were napping in his room today.

 

I shut the door and gently laid him on the bed, kissing along his neck and shoulder before pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it about the room. Immediately, he’d tugged my shirt off and leaned up to kiss over my chest, catching one of my nipples in his mouth and sucking. I gasped softly, grinding my hips down against him again. He moaned against my chest. I tugged at his pants, eventually pulling his boxers down with them and took him in.

 

“God, you’re so  _ beautiful _ ,” I breathed out, raking my eyes all over him. I kissed him on his lips and moved down lower and lower until I was down to his cock. I took a deep breath and summoned all the blowjob videos I’d ever watched before leaning in and licking from the base of his cock to the tip, swirling my tongue around the slit before digging it in. I was afraid I was doing that clumsily until Gerard let out a strangled moan. I looked up at him as I kept licking, and felt a spark of pleasure run down my spine to see him watching me eagerly. I suckled on his tip.

 

“ _ Frank _ ,” he moaned, causing my eyes to roll back a little. I took him in more and more until I felt myself starting to gag. I paused, breathing through my nose, before continuing on until I swallowed around him. He let out a loud gasp, his hand finding its way into my hair and tugging on it, causing me to let out choked moan around him. Gerard was panting heavily, but I wanted to see him lose it more. I hollow my cheeks as I pull back to give him friction, wiggling my tongue along the underside. With the way Gerard was trying to keep quiet, I felt like a professional. I swelled with pride as I bobbed my head faster and faster by the second. 

 

“Frank, s-stop. I’m close,” he struggled to get out. I pulled off with a lewd slurping sound, panting softly as I wiped my mouth. “God, you’re so fucking hot.” Then he pulled me up for a kiss, moaning as he slid his tongue into my mouth eagerly. I kissed him back just as fiercely. I felt Gerard tug at my sweats and I reached down to pull them off, smirking when I heard the gasp he made when he saw I wasn’t wearing underwear.

 

I reached out to my bedside drawer and pulled out a box of condoms, unopened, and a new bottle of lube. I sat up on my knees and opened the box, pulling a single one out. I felt Gerard’s eyes on me and I became nervous, and I guess he sensed it because he sat up and took the condom from me.

 

“I’ll put it on,” he said softly, giving me such a loving smile that I couldn’t possibly feel nervous anymore. I watched him open it and pull it out before reaching down and putting it on me. I moaned softly at the contact, not realizing I’d needed it. “God, you’re so big, Frank. I can’t wait to feel you,” he moaned, laying back down and spreading his legs for me. I blushed, giving him a small smile as I reached for the lube. I opened it and pour some on my finger, spreading it around a little before reach down and circling Gerard’s hole. I wish I could’ve been more romantic about it, but I was nearly clueless on how to do this and I was self-conscious about it.

 

“Mm, that’s good, Frankie. Just like that,” Gerard praised, looking down at me with half-lidded eyes. “Now, slowly push it in.” I nodded and did as he said, my eyes widening at the feel of him around my middle finger. He moaned lowly, nodding and urging me to keep going until it was all the way in. I waited for a minute before I slowly pulled it out a little and then pushed it back in. “So perfect, baby,” he panted. My tongue was poking out in concentration as I continued to thrust my finger, slowly adding another one when I felt it was time. Gerard seemed to agree because he began moving his hips back to meet my hand.

 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” I praised, keeping my eyes on his face the whole time. His cheeks were flushed and there was a very light sheet of sweat on his forehead. His mouth hung open as he moaned and panted.

 

“Frank,  _ please _ , I’m- I want you so bad,” he whined, his voice a pitch higher. I nodded and slowly pulled my fingers out. I poured some more lube onto my hand and slicked myself up before lining up with him. I felt nerves coming back as I stayed frozen in place. Gerard pulled me down for such a passionate kiss that I didn’t even realize when he pressed back on me. I instantly pulled away and watched as my tip disappeared into him, my breath hitching when I felt how tight it was. Slowly, I pushed forward, moaning as more and more of myself was engulfed inside of him. I let my breath go, not realizing I had been holding it.

 

I was shaking trying to hold myself still because it felt so  _ amazing _ . It was hot and tight and, fuck, I never wanted this to end. Gerard was clinging to me so tightly, eyes shut tightly.

 

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” I asked, beginning to panic. He shook his head frantically.

 

“ _ No _ ! I swear to God if you pull out right now,” he panted. “You just feel so fucking amazing. Please, move,” he said, opening his eyes and looking up at me. I bit my lip and nodded as I pulled out almost all the way and pushing back in. I kept the same pace until I felt more confident and Gerard was whining at the slow pace. I moved my hips faster, thrusting faster as I gripped his hips tightly to pull him back and meet my thrusts. 

 

“ _ Gerard _ , fuck, you’re so amazing. I love you,” I repeated over and over as my orgasm approached. Gerard nodded, breathing heavily as he moaned moved his hips back onto me harder.

 

“I’m so close, Frank. Come with me,” he pleaded.

 

“Anything.” We moved faster, trying to keep our sounds down as we got closer and closer until we both still and let out loud moans of each other names. I felt proud as I felt him spill between us, untouched, while I filled the condom. I kept thrusting to ride it out before pulling out and laying back next to him, panting heavily as I took the condom off and tied it off before tossing it on the floor by the bed. I couldn’t be bothered with walking to the restroom to throw it away. Gerard cuddled up into my side and I held him tightly.

 

“God, that was amazing. Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” He asked, giggling softly. I smiled.

 

“You’re just saying that, Gee,” I said, blushing. He shook his head.

 

“Nope! I came without you jerking me off. That means it was really fucking good for me.”

 

“Well, now I’m really proud,” I laughed, kissing his forehead. We stayed in silence for a moment before Gerard spoke up.

 

“I really love you, Frank,” he said. I held him even tighter.

 

“I really love you, too.”

 

Then the girls began crying and we smiled to each other as we both got up. I went to wash my hands and brush my teeth while Gerard tended to the girls first. I met him in the room, but watched him carry both girls while he sang to them, like he did the first day I met him. My heart felt so warm and before I knew what I was saying, the world bubbled out of my throat.

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

Gerard froze, turning to look at me with a shocked expression on his face. My eyes widened as I realized what I’d asked, but I didn’t in any way regret it. I meant it more than I did the first time I asked that question. Gerard gave me the sweetest smile.

 

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is not outlined and so updates will normally take a while. Thanks for reading!


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